For some it is so hard to let go of the wrongs of their past, they clutch to it like it were a life preserver, when in fact it is more like an anchor pulling them under. A friend of mine recently shared a profound insight that helped him move on – he said, “I finally figured what I needed to do in order to stop my past from haunting me, I just had to lose sight of it.” He continued, “The insight came to me when I was looking at one of those 3-D puzzles, the kind if you stare long enough the image emerges but if you take your eyes off of the page – it disappears. And so it was with my past, when I could no longer see it the way I was choosing to see it, the pain subsided!”
Many people finding that obtaining a new perspective of the situation will change the way you feel about it. My friend decided to adopt an attitude of gratitude while reflecting on those in his life who he had formerly wanted to see as only mean, self-serving and degrading. When he wrote out his list and saw with his own eyes how much these people had done for him, he was able to let go of the resentments and carry their memories in ways that were much more healing and helpful.
He also discovered that he had spent most of his life trying to fill a bottomless void that drained him dry of his energy and resources. He realized that instead of trying to fill the void that it was in his best physical and mental interest to let the void just heal. He learned to let the voids, caused by past emotional wounds, to close without trying to keep them stuffed open with anything. So for those of us who struggle with voids in our lives – consider giving them time to close because by keeping them open we deny ourselves the opportunity to heal!
Dr. Beiter is in private practice in Troy, MI and is certified as a sex therapist with the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors & Therapists.