ProConnect

Relational Patterns Can Often Repeat - No Matter How Unwanted

By

Relational Patterns Can Often Repeat - No Matter How Unwanted
Experiences from the past can sometimes haunt us in the present and future whether we like it or not

As a psychologist, I have learned many things about human behavior that I find very interesting and amazing.  One such aspect deals with how generational patterns of relating repeat themselves, sometimes with pinpoint accuracy.  I am sure many of you may be aware of this phenomenon when considering alcoholism and those that have been sexually abused.  These generational patterns seem pervasive in our day and age.  One only need pick up a newspaper and read about yet another case where perpetrator was a victim of the same kind of abuse that he or she is caught in the act of doing.

 

More from YourTango: Key Things To Know If You Suffer From Delayed Ejaculation

I recently had a client who came to an insightful realization after his marriage failed.  Through therapy, we discovered that as a result of his wife's first sexual experience of being raped and the fact that she did not seek help or report it until months later that the pattern of abuse was primed to be set in motion.  What he learned was that the rape, although completely unsolicited, would end up being a relational pattern that unfortunately would repeat over and over again.

More from YourTango: Is the need for sexual pleasuring via pornography an addiction?

As a result of the rape she was unable to have what he labeled "healthy sexual relationships" with anyone following that trauma.   She reacted to the trauma by being verbally abusive to all subsequent men, which resulted in them feeling stripped of their masculinity so much so that the end result was violence.  He had the occasion to speak with two of her former sexual partners and learned that while neither of them considered themselves violent individuals that the constant chiding, criticism and verbal abuse about them not being "man enough, long enough, hard enough, etc." eventually elicited rage induced, forceful sexual encounters that had all of them ending the relationship.

 

What I found interesting was that she never saw the situations, where she was the common denominator, as having anything to do with her.  It was all about the men she attracted into her life where they all had sexual issues and found her sexually intimidating because as she put it "was very confident and comfortable in her expression of sexuality".  In essence though, she had learned to relate to men sexually in a way that resulted in the sexual abuse being perpetuated.  Even though it was extremely painful for my client to end his marriage, he found relief and what he considered a healthy and loving sexual relationship with a new partner. 

This is just one example of how relational patterns can be discovered through therapy that can help bring about healing through understanding and insight.  The client was able to successfully extract himself from being fully enmeshed with his wife and create and sustain healthy boundaries from that point forward.

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts
deep breath

Should I stay or Should i go? 5 Ways To Make The Best Decision

Are you confused about staying or going in a relationship? Read on...

shame

How to Get Over Your Stinkin' Thinkin'

Recognize "Stinkin Thinkin" that leads to depression and turn it into positive action and success.

valentines-flowers-surprise

Why Breakups Hurt

Breakups hurt us even when there is no love lost.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no timeā€¦

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS