As a relationship coach, one of the most frequent questions I get asked is - What is a coach and what do you do? Some people are best able to relate to the sports analogy of coaching. Think about a two person athletic team [e.g.volleyball, synchronized diving, rowing] and why they would hire a coach. The reasons and motivations vary - some people believe and/or feel that they have basic talents and would like to develop them to the next level. Others think or feel that they need an objective party to observe [in the case of a relationship coach it would be about listening as well in the confines of the therapeutic setting] how they are performing and could benefit from suggestions of what to keep or stop doing or practicing other ways to improve. Let me offer an analogy to frame coaching in a different light.
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I remember my Little League baseball coach when I was a kid. In that scenario, the coach had to watch us play to determine our best fit on the team and where to place us. Our coach had a vested interest in helping us play better as a team and about developing not only our playing ability but indirectly our individual confidence as well. The vested interest was all about his genuine care and concern about our well-being. I believe additionally that our coach found pride and purpose for his life in providing direction and guidance to us - much like as a relationship coach I find that in my work with couples. However, this is only half the story. The other half and most definitely, the more important one is that as the one being coached I had to have a vision about what I would like to improve. Without that vision, anyone would be hard pressed to have a coach. As a kid I wanted to improve my fielding and batting skills - that was my vision of who I wanted to be!
I would like you to think of using a coach from that analogy. What if you don't have a vision as a couple or individually as part of that relationship? What if you feel like you are either stuck, bored or unfulfilled, which many couples who seek my services find themselves in? You don't seem to have much traction or motivation - yet deep down inside you know you have something of real value to offer/share/experience with your partner to make it the best relationship you've ever had in your life. Ask yourself some questions like: Describe your best self in your relationship; What does success with my partner/spouse/significant other look like to me; describe your perfect relationship encounter with your significant other; At the end of my life what would I want people [i.e. family, friends, relatives] to say about our relationship? As you answer these questions look for the values that you live by. This is the first step in determining your vision - who is it that you want to be in relationship to your partner? This is where a coach can be invaluable in supporting to reach your vision. Maybe it is time to consider reaching out to a relationship coach and start enjoying all the love and intimacy that you may be missing!