Am I Un-Datable?


Am I Un-Datable?

I can tell you how to get a better job or what to do to make a new friend, but I don’t have the answers about finding the love of your life.  Your neighborhood psychic might but that’s not a guarantee either.

Of course there are ways of increasing your odds which are extremely important and need to be looked at.  This is a topic unto itself.  For example, get out more, take a shower, be open to it, believe in yourself.  There are many things that you could be doing or not doing that would help you attract the right person.  But for many people, they are doing all the right things and still haven’t found that special someone, so they think there’s something wrong with them.


At the end of the day, finding the perfect partner often just happens.

And when it’s not happening and you want it to, it can feel terribly out of control

So you may rationalize our way into thinking there’s something wrong with you so that it’s within your control.

The prospect of being single forever is terrifying.  And I’m not that neighborhood psychic so I can’t tell you when or if Mr. or Mrs. Right is around the corner.  But having worked with and known countless people who have felt like they’d never meet anyone and then magically did, I can tell you the odds are in your favor that you will meet the right person.

The good news and the bad news…

…is that there is nothing wrong with you.  I know, easy for me to just write and not so easy to believe especially if you are feeling like there is something wrong with you at a basic emotional level.  It’s not easy to lose that idea about yourself.

But the problem then becomes that you think something is wrong with you.  Once you start thinking or feeling this way, even if you aren’t wearing a sign that says “I’m f-d up,” people can pick up on this subtle message you are giving off.  Now there’s something wrong.

Look:  We are all messed up

Everyone has their issues.  No one is perfect.  The most messed up of us all manage to fall in love and get into relationships.  So I’m sure you’re messed up too!  But there’s nothing inherently wrong with you that prevents you from being in a relationship.

Make a commitment to do what you can to quit thinking that you are un-datable

If you can’t talk yourself out of it, talk to someone else.  Don’t hold that belief in secret because it will own you and can destroy your chances of meeting someone.  If it’s too uncomfortable to share it with a friend, or you really just can’t seem to shake it, find a therapist.

It’s really hard to find the right person even if it looks so easy and sometimes can be so easy for others.   If all of your friends are paired up, you have a busy career and you don’t feel like being social during all of your downtime, it is even harder.  But there is nothing wrong with you.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
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