Am I Un-Datable?


Am I Un-Datable?

Finally we can feel spring in the air here in NYC – the days are getting longer and the sun is shining brighter.  March is a fantastic month.  Spring also means that love is on the brain for many of us.

When love is on the brain, with spring around the corner as a single person, having survived yet another Valentine’s Day alone, you may start to wonder if there is something wrong with you that you are still single.  You may ask whether you are inherently un-datable or not capable of being in a solid romantic relationship with someone.  And you may keep it to yourself because you might even be scared to look at this or even feel ashamed.


Looking ahead toward another spring alone and wondering if there’s something wrong with you for still being single is quite simply…

…a really difficult place to be

single and sad 1

I’m writing this post today to address this all-too-common issue.

You are not alone

I see people all the time who are asking that question of themselves, many of whom are convinced that there is something fundamentally wrong with them.

Chances are, that single colleague you have is probably asking the same thing of herself as you are (if she wants to be in a relationship), even if it seems like she has it all together.  She’s successful, gorgeous, smart, kind, funny – there’s obviously nothing wrong with her.  But she may be thinking that there is.

It’s probably easy for you to see that there’s nothing wrong with her, but you just can’t see that for yourself.  Well guess what?

There’s nothing wrong with you

Particularly if you are asking that question.  Asking that question means you probably want to be in a relationship.  As humans, we are healthiest in relationships so it is generally a healthy thing to want to be in a relationship.  And to want to be in a relationship is often the first step toward actually being in one.

As humans, we also like to feel in control of things

As much as we’d like to think that we are in control of things, we aren’t.  But we play little tricks on ourselves to make us feel like we are.

You may not realize it, but inherent in the belief that there’s something wrong with you is the idea that you can fix what’s wrong.  Here’s the logic:  if there’s something wrong with me, then I can fix it and finally find someone.  You just have to figure out what’s wrong with you.  That extra 10 pounds?  Your approach?  You need a new haircut (or hair, for all of you baldies)?  You should be more interesting or get a new hobby?


Having something wrong with you (that you can fix) is actually preferable to the truth that you are living in world of mystery in which things occur without explanation and often outside of your control.

We all know that there is a certain degree of chance that goes into meeting “the love of your life,” which is who many folks are looking for, understandably.  Finding that person isn’t nearly as easy as getting a good job or making a new friend.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
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