Sex Secret #3: Males Are Roving Inseminators. Females Are Wily Choosers
Compared to what is invested in making great big eggs, we don’t invest much in the small little sperms. Likewise all female mammals, including women, invest enormous resources in their offspring after fertilization occurs. Think building a placenta, pregnancy, birthing, breast feeding, and rearing. Compared to this males have little to do with the actual business of reproduction, beyond producing sperm packaged in seminal fluid.
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We all know that men are more physically competitive than women (again, remember that I’m talking about most men and most women. Some women could stomp my butt in physical competitions). Thirty-five years ago, a young evolutionary biologist at Harvard University, Robert Trivers, postulated that sexual competition is a replay of fertilization itself. Numerous males, like small, hyperactive sperm, compete among themselves for access to females.
Sex Secret #4: Males Are Drawn to Multiple Partners, Women Prefer One at a Time
Here’s a well-known story that illustrates this propensity in men. President Calvin Coolidge and his wife were touring a model farm during the 1920s. While the President was elsewhere, the farmer proudly showed Mrs. Coolidge a rooster that "could copulate with hens all day long, day after day." Mrs. Coolidge coyly suggested that the farmer tell that to Mr. Coolidge, which he did.
The President thought for a moment and then inquired, "With the same hen?"
"No, sir," replied the farmer. "Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge," retorted the President.
Again, because a man may be drawn to having sex with multiple partners, it doesn’t mean he must act on his desire and not all men have the desire. But if you’re going to have great sex, you have to accept the biological roots of our desire.
Sex Secret #5: Emotional Attachment is the Key to Great Sex and Lasting Love
If you want great sex and love that lasts forever and never gets boring, there are some things you need to know that most of us have never learned. Forget about learning how to argue better. Forget about analyzing your early childhood experiences and how you’ve been wounded. Forget about experimenting with new sexual positions or finding new sex toys.
Instead, get to the emotional underpinnings of your relationship by recognizing that you are emotionally attached to and dependent on your partner in much the same way that a child is on a parent for nurturing, soothing, and protection. This is the key to a great sex and love life. But most of us are still under the mistaken belief that “real men” and “real women” must put away childish attachments and “grow up.”
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We know that children will die from lack of nurturing, touch and affection from their parents. Well, adults will also die without nurturing, touch, and affection. We don’t say the cause of death was a lack of emotional attachment. We say it was a “heart attack.”