However, for men, we can still have babies later in life. But only with a woman who is young enough to conceive. So our biology pulls men away from their mid-life wives into the arms of someone younger and more reproductively capable.
When he says, “I love you, but I’m not ‘in love’ with you” what he really means is that “I don’t feel that crazy, biological lust that makes me want to have you on the dining room table.” So what’s to do? You must talk about this reality. Confront the issue head on and learn that there is more to life than sex.
4. Learn Why Sex is Not the Answer to the Brain’s Big Question
According to author Mark Brady, there’s one big question that all brains want answered, and they want it answered, “Yes.” Parent’s brains, children’s brains, all brains. And they don’t want a lukewarm “Yes,” or a “Maybe Yes” or a “Getting-to-Yes Yes.” They want a substantial, resounding, unequivocal, “YES!” Yes.
Brady says that the brain’s big question is “Are You There For Me?” He tell us that our children’s brains (and our own as well!) are continually asking this basic question, whether we’re aware of it or not. The question takes many forms in children’s brains and resulting behavior, of course: Do I matter enough that you’ll put me first when I need you to – ahead of your job, ahead of your friends, even sometimes ahead of yourself? Can I count on you to attend to me in the ways I need you to? Do I truly and deeply matter to you? These questions are being asked – nonverbally through behavior often – and when they get answered “Yes,” our children can relax and begin to feel safe, just as we are often able to do in our own intimate and business relationships.
And this is a key issue. We have these needs for care and support throughout our lives. In fact, as we get older and we experience the inevitable losses of health and well-being, we need this support even more. Want to prevent an affair? Be there, really be there for your partner.