Life is full of changes. We move through our lives with hopes and desires. Yet, we often find ourselves unhappy, stressed and with a sense of feeling hopeless and undesirable. Wouldn’t it be an amazing and a wondrous experience to live life feeling healthy and sexy? Instead of having that, many of us continue to wonder just how we are supposed to maintain positive attitudes and thrive in all of our relationships. We may not even be aware that positive thoughts are a golden key to thriving – physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, sexually, and even financially.
Even when we are aware, this beautiful space that we encounter, occasionally, seems to evaporate as old patterns begin to reinvade our blissful state. Have you had this happen? You are filled with joy and excitement about life and about your partner. Then, suddenly the discord, the monotony, the “ho hum”, the trials and tribulations start showing up. You feel that just once you would really like to be in a relationship that fills you up instead of tearing you down. You want to just enjoy the relationship instead of having to work so hard to keep it strong and healthy.
This is understandable, but life is not a bowl of cherries. It is about love, but it is about growth – personal growth, spiritual growth. We cannot grow and expand if we do not experience any “growing pains.” Only we can judge when the pain is too much. No one else can tell us when it is time to walk away. No one else can tell us when we must stay either. At the same time, there are a number of things we can change. Now is this about changing your partner? No! We cannot change others unless they want to change, but we can change ourselves. When we do this we will uncover the joy and happiness within ourselves and not rely on anyone else to create this for us. Our change will affect us individually and it will also have a tremendous impact on those around us.
So, what are some key things you can do to change or do differently that will help you develop and then stay in a healthy, positive, sexy and thriving relationship?
1. Have love and compassion for YOU! Imagine a time in your life when you were a child and experienced something that upset you. Now, imagine your adult self wrapping your arms around your child self. In your imagination, offer gentleness, an outpouring of love, and have deep compassion for your child self. Tell this part of you that everything is going to be all right – that she is loved. When you learn to do this for your inner child you can shift it and offer this same love and compassion for yourself as an adult today. This is not about being selfish. This is about loving and respecting yourself. The more you can love and have compassion for yourself, the more you will be able to do so for others.
2. Be present with your partner and others. When you are with your partner really be with him/her. Pay real attention to what he/she has to say. Practice deep listening. Do not interrupt, change the subject or avoid conversation. Hear what he/she has to say. Put away the cell phone, turn off the television, shut off your computer and focus your attention on those around you. Show your partner and others that they are truly important to you.