It was the middle of the night on January 27, 2001. After another big argument with my spouse, I had finally left. Sitting on a friend’s couch I took my wedding rings off. I was done. I just couldn’t take anymore. A month later, I moved into a rental home with my 4-year-old son.
This has been a long time in coming. Two years earlier, we had nearly divorced, but had tried to pull it back together for our son. Our lives were not on the same path. We had different hopes, different dreams, different interests, different viewpoints, and different ideas about the concept of a committed relationship. There were also the typical arguments over money.
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Looking back 11 years later, I can see that there were lessons to be learned in that relationship. In fact, there are lessons that are still being learned from it. When you have to deal with a challenging ex-spouse because you have a child together there are still lessons that can be learned.
I have been remarried for 9 years and together we have a young son and our two teenagers. Wow, has there been a lot of lessons to learn there too! Blended families can be challenging in different ways. But, we have grown so much – especially in the last two years – that we are in a much different place than we were a decade ago when we both still raw from our divorces. We have learned to have love and compassion for ourselves and learned how to be vulnerable with each other. Uncovering these vulnerabilities has actually empowered us individually and as a couple. Not only have we become stronger, but these lessons filtered down to our sons and they are learning too.
Is divorce the best choice? Sometimes, yes. Is divorce or a break-up easy? No. In fact, no matter if it truly is your only choice left, it is still quite difficult. You need time to heal, time to grieve, time to adjust.
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January just so happens to have the highest rate of filings for divorce. Perhaps, the holidays cause things to culminate? Perhaps, people choose to make it through the holiday season for the kids or just because it seems like the more appropriate thing to do. Why did I leave in January? I never really thought about it until I learned that January was such a popular month for divorce. So, I cannot answer that, but after a decade long marriage that last argument on that cold, icy January night was simply the final straw for me. I needed to remove my son and myself from the situation. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was time. But, what about you?
Are you struggling in a relationship right now? Have the holidays brought up some bigger issues or have they caused things to culminate? Can you fix these problems? Is it time to throw in the towel or is there help? Relationship guidance and/or spiritual guidance may offer you some answers. You can uncover important parts of you that may have been hidden for a very long time. Don’t you deserve to reclaim your happiness, you inner joy? It is vitally important that you find this happiness within you.