What is Your Love Style?


What is Your Love Style?
Identify ways you make mistakes in love and find out how to fix them.

Confusing worry with love: Many believe that to worry about someone means that you love that person. Worry, however, is not love, but in reality a form of fear. The worry can be about a person’s health, safety, future, or even that we might lose that person to someone else. You may worry that they don’t take care of him or herself. You worry that your children won’t do well. When you are worrying you are really showing concern about your own needs. You are afraid of potential loss or damage to your self image, created by the ego mind. This fear ultimately displaces love. . We need to transcend such ego thoughts and let go of the barriers of fear and worry in order to love.

Needing our loved one’s physical presence: In this case, the other person’s physical presence is viewed as the literal embodiment of love, which means that when your lover’s body is not there, you feel that you are being deprived. There is a difference between enjoying being with another person and a need to be with that person. You tend to believe that another’s presence will fill or complete you. Yet often when two people are together in this need state, they complain about each other instead of enjoying the time they do have together.

Genuine love strengthens and brings joy, it never results in pain or diminishes anyone in anyway. It is unconditional, and expects nothing in return. And if we expect nothing in return, we will never be disappointed. But most of our egos are probably demanding that we have a right to expect something from the person we love. And what would such a love without expectations of anything in return actually look like? Love is not just liking someone when he or she is delightful- for that is easy. It means loving someone when they are down. By loving in an empowering way, you are connecting with your True Self. The loving comes effortless and natural; it continues to grow, moment by moment, spreading the healing through you and to your partner.

Ways to Express Pure Love

Love is a verb: Then giving and receiving it are ultimately the same, and love is both inexhaustible and infinite. We are in control of the love in our lives, not others. Loving is therefore a conscious act of creation and not some thing or even an emotion that controls us.

Love is a conscious focus of mind: To redefine love and to see it not so much as an emotion as a conscious, willful decision that one makes in one’s mind.

The main function of love is to forgive: Forgiveness and acceptance are the essential conditions of empowering love and though they may feel similar to falling in love, they come from a solid foundation and from conscious choice rather than hormones or our illusions about the other person or ourselves. Forgiveness becomes an ongoing state of mind, not just an occasional act, although it may begin that way. When you forgive, you are basically overlooking those things that you had previously judged to be bad or in error. Forgiveness is seeing that there was no sin committed, only mistakes. Forgiveness sees appeals for love in the place of perceived attacks. Forgiveness is the core expression of love in the world.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Henry Grayson


Henry Grayson, Ph.D., Integrative Mind Body Spirit Psychologist/Psychotherapist


Author of: Use Your Body to Heal Your Mind: Revolutionary Methods to Release All Barriers to Health, Healing and Happiness, Mindful Loving: 10 Practices for Creating Deeper Connections, The New Physics of Love: The Power of Mind & Spirit in Relationships

Founder: Institute for the Psychotherapies, NYC, The Institute for Science, Spirituality and Psychotherapy

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: ABPP, PhD
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