While we all tend to vacillate between these two primary fears to some degree, a person may express one or the other more predominantly in a relationship. But when we begin to recognize our divine capacity to love unconditionally, we actually solve both fears at the same time:
1. The more we accept our divine nature and our interconnectedness, the less we fear losing the other person because we feel whole, and
2. The more we genuinely love the other person, the less we fear losing ourselves because we have found our true loving selves by extending love.
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To accept the innate godlike power of our Spiritual Self is very frightening to the ego mind and we will often fight for the viewpoint that various things are impossible and that our powers are limited. Such power is actually the opposite of the ego, which feels its boundary to be of the body.
But remember, our ego has no power beyond that which we give it and in the moments when we come to this full realization, then the ego will cease to exist, or at least for that moment will lose its primary place in our thoughts. By recognizing our own potential divinity, we will lose nothing but our mistaken sense of littleness, the feeling of being out of control of our lives and our fear and suffering in relationships.
The connection between our thoughts and our lives is inseparable. The degree to which our thoughts are out of control is the degree to which our lives and our relationships feel out of control. Just as we can easily understand that an athlete or musician cannot perform well if his thoughts are out of control (not focused) — so it is true in every arena of our lives.
A person with angry thoughts is likely to be an angry person. A person who houses thoughts of fear is likely to be a frightened person and this often attracts a powerful force field what he is afraid of into his life. A person with hopeless, judgmental, guilty or powerless thoughts is likely to be depressed. And on it goes, all affecting how our relationships progress.
Whatever we think, not just about ourselves but even about others, always boomerangs instantly. If I dwell on a loving thought about someone else, I feel instantly joyful. If I dwell on an angry or resentful thought about someone else, I have attacked my own inner peace and it is annihilated instantly.
It is the thoughts in our minds that affect most profoundly our marriages and other relationships. Do you think thoughts of judgment or thoughts of forgiveness? Do you think thoughts of deprivation or thoughts of gratitude? Do you think thoughts of fear or thoughts of trust? What we focus on is what we will get.
It's important to take stock of your thoughts about the other person with whom you are relating. Be honest with yourself and you will soon see how your negative thoughts are adversely affecting your relationship.
By realizing your intrinsic divine nature, you can become mindful of thought patterns and ways of relating that don't exhibit unconditional love. It is important to stand back when faced with relationship challenges and ask yourself what could you be doing to contribute to the discord.
If it isn't obvious, it's more than likely your thought patterns that are contributing unconsciously creating a negative effect. Our divine nature is our most natural nature but uncovering it in ourselves is rarely obvious. Adapting an attitude of not always having to win at the ego level is imperative. We all need to strive for more understanding and take responsibility for our part in what is perplexing in the relationship.
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To learn more about Henry Grayson, Ph.D. and his work please visit his web site.