Raymond is feeling amorous. He turns towards his wife who is lying next to him in bed and says; “Honey, I’m going to dive under the covers and make you happy this morning.”. His wife, Cheryl frowns and says; “Why don’t you kiss me? I really want you to kiss me!”
Let’s turn this around. Cheryl is feeling very amorous. She turns towards her husband and says; Sweetheart, I’m going to make you very happy this morning.” Before her sentence is completed, Raymond’s pajama’s are off and he is ready to roll.
Can you imagine Raymond saying: Before you do anything, I want you to kiss me.” This rather inelegant, yet humorous example highlights the difference between men and woman. This difference can either be something that becomes a wedge between the two or, if understood and embraced, can bring people together.
The relationship dynamic goes south when Cheryl to complains to Raymond what a Neanderthal he is. Something fun, loving a sexy becomes a negative and a statement of Raymond’s lack of romantic abilities.
Things come together when both Cheryl and Raymond become thoughtful, fluid, and reject their fundamentalist positions. Can Cheryl sometimes let Raymond to his thing with a kiss. Can she give in to the strict carnal desires of the moment without conflating it with her emotional needs. Can Raymond sometimes put to the side his erect leaning needs and connect with his wife in a meaning, loving, and romantic way.
Lastly, when talking about this dynamic, say what you want instead of what you don’t want. When Cheryl says; “I love it when you kiss me” instead of; “Why are you so unromantic” or when Raymond says; : “I love it when you are my sexy vixen” instead of; “You’re so needy sometimes”, you will find that love and sex can happily co-exist.
This is just a snapshot of the differences between men and woman. Viva la difference!