When problems hit, friction develops, and drama ensues, does it warrant a break-up? How do you know when you've found the right person? What is the difference between issues that break the deal, are unworkable and promise to keep coming up, versus issues to work through together, and resolve? Where is the line between insanity and persistence?
For starters, lets define insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, and persistence as seeing something through amidst the tumultuous rough spots.
Well, if you're with someone now, it means that there was something compelling enough for you to stick with them up until now.
If you’re trying to figure out if your relationship has long past its expiry date, here are some questions that may help expand your thought process.
THINGS YOU LOVE ABOUT YOUR PARTNER AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP
- What are the 3 things you love the most and treasure about this person?
- What are the 3 most important things this person provides you with regards to nourishing your life and soul?
- Can you find this in anyone else? How difficult is it to find in someone else?
PROBLEMS AND FIXING THEM
- What are the 3 things you are not so hot about this person?
- What are the 3 things that this relationship causes the most damage for you
- Can you live with these things?
- What would need to be done in order to make these things better?
- What do you need and what does your partner need?
- Is there a possibility for harmony?
- How long will this take?
- How much energy and effort will it require?
Is the ratio of benefits vs. effort towards harmony less than 60:40?
As trite as it sounds, ultimately, you need to listen to what feels right on the inside. Be honest with yourself and really evaluate the reasons why you are with your partner. Ignoring your inner voice will only lead to more damage and time lost stuck in a negative cycle. Be careful where you spend your energy, regardless of whether you stay with, or leave your partner. Above all, remember the difference between insanity and persistence.
For more help or advice about relationships, visit DrFrankie.com. I am licensed psychologist with years of helping couples in all stages of their relationships. I love what I do and I want to help. Contact me today.