Internet Pornography makes it so easily accessible. In the old days, not that long ago, a person had to go to the "private" section of a magaznie or video store and discreetly check out the "sexy photos" or the "sexy videos." It required making a special trip to the magazine or video store and another trip back to return any loaned videos. Some men had large collections of pornographic magazines and many also chose to purchase their videos. When a partner inadvertently discovered his "porno collection" it would often create arguments, emotional pain and may have led to a breakup.
But unlike pornographic magazines, photos and videos, internet pornography is easy to access, easy to conceal, and anonymous. It requires no emotional connection, no obligation or commitment, no pressure to perform, and no need to deal with the real world. The images of beautiful young men and women, engaged in increasingly more varied and kinky sexual activities, creates new synapses in the brain leading to new sexual arousal patterns that quickly become new habit patterns. Emotional and sexual energy is withdrawn from one's partner and the whole idea of intimacy and child rearing loses its value.
Just the act of watching pornography is not a problem unless someone has strong religious or moral convictions. In fact, many couples watch "sexy" videos to spark excitement and arousal in their relationships.
However, there are some warning signs. Notice if your spouse or partner:
- spends hours at the computer that interfere with your time together
- shows lack of concern about your relationship or marriage
- stops sharing regular activities or holiday celebrations with you
- changes sleep patterns dramatically, staying up later or getting up earlier
- shows little desire or interest in having sex with you, despite your overtures
- denies the extent of the internet activity and usage
- has been increasingly more irritable with you
Maybe you are the one watching videos. Seek counseling if you find you are:
- having difficulty resisting the urge to log on to your computer frequently
- spending excessive amounts of time in live chat rooms talking about sexuality
- using the internet to make sexual connections
- masturbating or using the online fantasy for later masturbation
- lying to your intimate partner, spouse or family
- feeling less interest and desire for your partner or spouse
- losing interest in activities you used to share with your partner or spouse
- feeling shame, guilt or embarrassment about your internet use
Can a strong pornography habit be overcome and partner intimacy restored?
Here's what you can do if your partner has a internet porn habit: