I want to encourage you to not give up too soon. The inner workings of romantic love and friendship have always been a bit of a mystery; but as of late, we have much more understanding about what makes relationships work. The latest research offers us a clear scientific view of love and how to make it last. We are taught that healthy adults are self-sufficient. Only messed up people depend on others. The research on creating lasting love tells us that romantic love is all about attachment and emotional bonding. We all need someone who can offer reliable emotional connection and comfort. Couples often get stuck in negative cycles that they don’t understand and can’t seem to change; this can make it hard to listen to each other, support one another, or have fun together. But once you figure out what the negative patterns are, you can uncover the key negative and positive emotional moments that define your relationship.
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It seems worth the effort to try and rekindle your friendship with each other. Getting to know each other again and learning what you both need from each other and from your relationship is a good place to start. This could be an ideal time in your lives together to create a new dance defined by your own rhythms apart from the children.
Recommended reading, “Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for A Lifetime of Love” by Sue Johnson.
Sign up for the: Keeping Love Alive: A Couples Workshop at The Cottage Clinic in Rancho Santa Fe, California, August 18, 19, 20, 2011. CEU’s available for some health professionals. Based on the book, “Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love” by Sue Johnson and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. Register at http://trieft.org/re/sandiego or (858)
Diana Weiss-Wisdom, Ph.D. is a Licensed Psychologist psy#12476 in private practice in Rancho Santa Fe, California.. She specializes in relationships, couples and marriage counseling, premarital counseling, and stepfamilies. www.cottageclinic.net (858) 259-0146
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