Because of all my killer beliefs in action we went to bed with a little tension between us. I kept laying there thinking, Joanne, you are so blowing it here. I also kept thinking negatively about my boyfriend laying right next to me and all he doesn’t do.
2. After you have identified your Killer Beliefs, like Joanne did, journal about them and compare them to what is truly going on in your relationship. Let’s continue with her break through story.
I got up about 3 a.m. because I couldn’t sleep because of a sudden headcold. I took your book into the kitchen with me and read it while fixing myself some Theraflu. I wrote all about my Killer beliefs and wrote out a long list of all the great loving things my boyfriend had done. I suddenly felt freed of an enormous burden.
3. Create what I call a Love Intention, which is a one statement affirmation about the kind of super happy relationship you would like to create. If it feels right, also help create one for your partner. Let’s see how Joanne did it:
Then I got to the part about creating a Love Intention and focusing on what you "want" instead of what you don't have. I created the love intention, "Jon and I have an exciting, fulfilling, growing, passionate, and nurturing relationship." I kept meditating on this. When I got a negative thought about my boyfriend, I pushed it aside and mentally repeated the intention. Then I decided to make one for my boyfriend who is always trying to explain to me that he loves me but he needs his man time. I went back to bed.
When we woke up I told him about my love intention and that anytime I had a negative thought about him or our relationship that I am going to meditate on my intention instead of what I don’t have. Then, I told him that I created one for him to which he quickly replied, "You can't do that." But then I said,” Just hear it. I told him that the love intention I created for him was, "Joanne and I have a growing relationship that is balanced with the perfect amount of togetherness and independence." He loved it! He only wanted to add one thing. He said put "happy" in there so that it would read "a growing and happy relationship." He kept saying it over and over until he memorized it. Then he said, "That really empowers me."
The rest of the morning was beautiful. We talked in bed. He made me breakfast. I put on cute clothes, fixed my hair, and put on a little makeup (something he likes). He told me I was so sexy. He was so attentive and loving (what I want). He asked me if I wanted to workout with him at my gym tomorrow (he's hasn't asked me that in 4 months). When I was leaving, he gave me a big hug and told me he'd call me later to see if I needed anything for my cold. Diana, everything I wanted was just materialized by making a shift in my thinking which came from following your book. I now realize that my man isn't the problem, I am the problem! Over analyzing, being negative, and pushing him away.
I am so thankful to your book and that I picked it up and started reading it at just the right time. If not, I would have let this good man go.
So there you have it. Use these three simple steps: identifying your Relationship-Killer Beliefs; journaling about them and what is happening in your relationship; and creating a Love Intention for you (and possibly your partner). Then go ahead and enjoy your super happy love!
For more on Relationship-Killer beliefs, how to go from casual to committed, and how to move from love problems to solutions that deepen any love relationship (even after cheating), pick up a copy of Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love. It’s on sale now and comes with 30 awesome bonus gifts which you can claim here.
Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.