Ask these questions of yourself:
- Did I get into this relationship thinking I could rescue or fix my partner?
- Did I want to provide a safe harbor for my partner early on in the relationship and to make them happy?
- Did I see the jealous energy early in the relationship? Was I concerned about it then?
- Can I remain in this relationship if my partner is unwilling to receive professional help in working through their issues and us working together to build trust and safety once again?
- Are we both getting our needs met in this relationship?
Perhaps the purpose of the relationship was to wake you up; to help you see that you deserve joy and to be loved for who you are; to make a choice to break the karmic connection in this lifetime so that you break the pattern of repetition; to embrace loving yourself and them enough to walk away; or for you to embrace your personal power of choice.
Sometimes two people just don't bring the best out in each other, and it is okay to see and understand that, and to walk away with love and respect for each other. I cannot answer to why you had to go through the painful relationship, but I can say that I had to experience over 30 relationships with varying degrees of connection to become full ready for the divine love I have today.
I chose to walk away from every one of my past relationships, knowing deeply that there was a purpose for that relationship even though I did not understand it in the moment, and also knowing deep in my soul there was a completion every time a relationship ended. That, in and of itself, was the most loving thing I could have done for myself and for those men.
Make the choice today for your soul and spirit's freedom, for what brings you joy, and ultimately that too will be best for those around you. Trust, and pay attention to the signals that are showing up in your life.
"I've been dating this guy who is in his 30s for about 3 months now. There are things that really bug me about him. He leaves his clothes on the floor and dishes in the sink at his apartment. He is messy. Also, he holds his fork like a spoon, smacks his mouth when he eats, and dresses in plaid all the time. He is really a nice person but these things drive me crazy and really get under my skin. His mom comes over to his house, picks up his clothes, does his laundry, and cleans the kitchen every couple of days. I don't want to be his mother. But I am going to stay in the relationship because I know I can change these things about him and make him into what I want. Once we have our own house and get married, all of this will be different."
A person will only change their behaviors if they want to and they initiate that change themselves; not because another person wants them to do so. This discord gets stronger because we push, nag, and complain to make the other person change, causing more discord. This then escalates to demanding they change or else…trapping and suffocating your partner. And this occurs at a cost of self-destruction.
Thinking "If he loved me, he would not do "this" or "that" is a trap. A person can deeply love you and still do things that drive you nuts. What is true is there is misalignment in needs, wants, and requirements that create tension and unresolvable situations.
Knowing and Accepting What You Are Buying
When you go to any store, you look at the product, and you know what you are buying. There are usually no surprises because you know what you are buying. Even if you are trying a product for the first time, you still have an inkling about what you are buying…and if the product does not fit or you don't like it, you don't buy it again.
A person shows you who they are before they tell you who they are, and yet, we choose the relationship and the person fully knowing that there are things that would not work for us in the long-term that we're not willing to negotiate or overlook. We either accept reluctantly that this is what it is and stay in the relationship for decades, or we keep pushing for change until we push each other apart and then separate with discord rather than in a harmonious, loving, and honoring way. We just don't want to accept that we made an unhealthy choice.
Pushing the other person to change, making them feel or think they are broken or something is wrong with them, and damaging their self-worth will not result in pulling them towards you or loving you more fully. If they self-select to change on their own, then change is possible but they have to take action, ask for your help and support, and do their self-growth work.
Unsolvable problems are unsolvable and will not change over time. The way to solve an unsolvable relationship problem is to mutually self-select to change, to put constructs in place to maintain change over the long-term, or to leave in a loving way.
Leaving a relationship is not failure. It is part of your lesson along the path to learning Unconditional Love and Unconditionally Being Loved.
In my Love Him, Love Her program, we uncover your relationship and human design that will help you further understand whether or not you should walk away from this relationship or recommit to co-creating harmony together with a new shared vision for your relationship.
Having the courage to walk away requires support. And you already have the courage to learn from your pain, honor yourself, and your partner, and love each other as you learn and grow into the Love-Full Divine Being that you are!