5 Ways To Overcome The Cycle Of Emotional Abuse


5 Ways To Overcome The Cycle Of Emotional Abuse
5 Steps To Reclaiming Your Life

What is the emotional blackmail?

For some people this is what we call ABUSE.   Abuse does not always have to be physical. I sometimes think that mental abuse is so subtle that it can takes years for you to realize, “Why am I here in this relationship?” and ” Why did I not see this coming? ” Any abuse is horrible. Like other types of abuse, as a victim of emotional blackmail, you can feel trapped like an animal in cage where there is no way out.  Even if you try, the abuser will still make every effort to convince you and shame you into submission.


Who uses emotional blackmail and affects other people with this abusive behavior?

Emotional blackmail surrounds us in everyday life. There are people who you know as well as those who are perfect strangers that you have probably come across in your life. They may be family members, friends, peers, coworkers, children, and, of course, everyday people you meet on the streets. These are the people who at one moment love you and then in the next moment express to you what they think is in your best interest.  Now, not everyone who does this is out to emotionally blackmail you. Many really do have your best interest at heart, but the abuser is looking for a way into your life and mind so they can use your emotions against you. They find out what makes you vulnerable, so they can chip away at your self-esteem and make you feel that you have no self-worth. How do they accomplish this? If anything goes wrong, it is always your fault. They siphon the very essence of your being and do their best to make you feel inferior and incompetent.  They can take every opportunity to make you feel that you’re the cause of all your problems, including your loss of finances, failures, and anything else that they can come up with. You may then buy into what they’re saying as you listen to it over and over again and, as a result, have the tendency to blame yourself. You may feel a loss of words to be able to express your frustration with them and what they’re saying, disagree with them, or “fight back.”  They belittle you to the point that your self-worth doesn’t even exist, and, perhaps even worse, you lose your ability to speak up and use your voice.

These people are the greatest manipulators of dodging guilt. They are excellent with reflecting it back to you.  Remember, from their perspective, it is always your fault.

Oftentimes we feel stuck, almost imprisoned, in our own lives. The question is: How does one stop being a prisoner of others and of oneself?  You may feel that the time is now to claim your power, but you may not be sure if you are ready or if you feel that you are good enough to do this the way you are right now.

There are many of us who live in silence, for we have been made to feel as if our words are unimportant or that we will never be heard by these people.  Feelings of frustration, despair and isolation impact our lives and paralyze the freedom that we yearn for to live our lives to our fullest potential.

You need to learn how to come out of the dark silence and understand how powerful your inner and outer voices are.  You do have the strength and courage to evolve and reclaim your life. Stop feeling alone and afraid. Start reclaiming your life and begin to live it.

We all have choices, and you can choose to help yourself.  You do not have to live like this.  You need to empower yourself when you feel those feelings of self-doubt and helplessness.  You do not deserve to live like this. It is NOT the way it has to be. You must learn to reclaim yourself, your voice, and your life. More so, you have to want to do this, because it is going to take a lot of your dedicated energy and focus to break the chains of the emotional blackmail you have been a victim of.

You just may not realize that it is your time. More than this, you may not feel sure if it ever will be. Claim your power today. Finally feel complete. Discover how magnificent you really are when you allow yourself to be free to live your life with true passion. Does this sound like something amazing you’d LOVE to do? Wish you could do?

Here, then, is what you must do to reclaim your life and not be taken in by emotional blackmail anymore:

  1. Focus on who you are and not on who others think you are.
  2. Redirect your negative, self-defeating thoughts and replace them with the skills and thoughts to positively empower yourself.
  3. Stop blaming and shaming yourself for things you think you did wrong. Lighten your load so you can be the real you.
  4. Put aside what was taught to you by family, friends and significant others that does not resonate with who you really are.
  5. Stop the vicious cycle of allowing yourself to be emotionally blackmailed by others by questioning what others are saying to you before you simply take it as fact and believe it.

This is not easy to do. It takes practice. You have to keep at it in order to feel your self-worth.  You must not take responsibility for things that you have no power or control over. Be smart and be perceptive of what other people’s true intentions are. Do not let them drain your energy. Just remember: your words, your wants, your beliefs = your true happiness. Be safe and be smart.

Most of all, be treated with respect and love,

Dr. Christina

This article was originally published at Dr. Christina. Reprinted with permission.

More on Emotional Abuse from YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Christina Charbonneau

YourTango Expert Partner

Dr. Christina Charbonneau is an award-winning doctor who has been practicing medicine for more than 30 years. She is also a certified coach, media personality, speaker and former medical school professor.

She has co-authored two best-selling books: Ready, Aim, Captivate: Put Magic in Your Message and a Fortune in Your Future (chapter entitled: “Two Simple Words: Self-Acceptance and Self-Worth”) and Wounded? Survive! Thrive!!!:101 Women’s Journeys from Torment to Triumph . 

Dr. Christina is happy to answer questions from her fans and followers!  

Visit her website drchristina.com to  learn more about her and how she can help you.



















































































Location: Bullhead City, AZ
Credentials: DO, LPC
Other Articles/News by Dr. Christina Charbonneau:

Tell Your EX…STOP Abusing My Children!


Dear Dr. Christina, I separated from my husband 3 years ago. I am finding that the more my kids are around him, and especially when they come home from being with him, they are not the same as when I dropped them off, especially my oldest. They are very reserved and quiet, and seem like they have been kicked to the ground. I have sat down with my oldest ... Read more

How Do You Get Over The Loss Of Someone Who Was Your Life?


Dear Dr. Christina,  My grandfather died less than a year ago and the anniversary of his death is coming up. I cannot get over this loss. How does one get over the loss of their loved one when their loved one was their life? How does one start to believe that you are going to wake up from this nightmare? How does one come to realize that their ... Read more

Why You Should Love The Journey Of Menopause


Menopause is one of the most feared words in the English language. It is also the life event that occurs when you get older as a woman. No one knows exactly when it is going to happen to her, but every woman knows that eventually it will. There are so many misconceptions out there about menopause that its no wonder why we indeed want to call it a curse word. ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Must-see Videos
Most Popular