Still waiting for a ring? Can't figure out why he won't commit?


Still waiting for a ring?  Can't figure out why he won't commit?
There are six aspects of commitment needed before he will be ready to pop the question.

Are you frustrated with his inability to commit? Let's face it; many men are afraid to make commitments when it comes to love and marriage! Heck, we live in a disposable world – where it is easy to have “one night stands” and avoid commitment to those we fall in love with.

The thousands of successfully married couples we have interviewed throughout the world shared their stories with us about their commitment to love. While some described their fear of commitment early in their relationship, they revealed the steps they took to form a strong commitment to each other and how they decided that they decided to enter into a fulfilling lifelong relationship with the one they loved.

So, here is the question of the day: Why do some men find it so difficult to make a commitment to love? How do those indecisions about love and commitment manifest themselves in real relationships? To understand if your guy is having difficulty with commitment, evaluate how he is doing in comparison to the six aspects of commitment below:

1. Making a commitment to another human being for a lifetime requires your resolve to make, an "unalterable decision," as Alfred Adler says. Adler goes on to say that ". . . real examples of love and real marriages . . . do not allow . . . men or women (to) contemplate an escape. In none of the serious and important tasks of life do we arrange such a getaway." Someone who wants a successful marriage cannot promise a lifetime of commitment to someone they purport to love while plotting an escape at the same time. A true commitment is unalterable!

2. To make a lifetime commitment to love someone you have to feel a certain level of safety. As Maslow's hierarchy of needs demonstrates, the need for safety is just above the physiological needs. It has to be satisfied before the need for love and belonging can be met. In other words, before a man can make the commitment to love someone for a lifetime, he has to feel safe in the relationship. Building a high level of trust in the relationship will help in producing the feeling of safety.

3. If you wait to make a commitment until you have no doubts, it will never happen. When we were in graduate school studying the field of counseling we got a lot of exposure to Rollo May and we love most of what he has written, especially this, "The relationship between commitment and doubt is by no means an antagonistic one. Commitment is healthiest when it is not without doubt but in spite of doubt." Simply stated, if you think there will ever be a moment in a budding relationship when you will say, "I have no doubts about him/her so I am willing to make the lifetime commitment" – well, forget it! Not going to happen. If you wait for that moment to come you will never make the commitment to love anyone for a lifetime.

Article contributed by

Dr. Charles & Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz


Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz
America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts
**For marriage advice and hundreds of practical tips, read the Doctors' best-selling and multiple-award winning book Building a Love that Lasts. Available wherever books are sold.  Learn How to Marry the Right Guy when you read the Doctors' latest book--2014 Mom's Choice Awards Gold Medal for Best Relationship Book and 2014 Eric Hoffer Gold Medal for Best Self-Help Book, and the  Learn more about America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts.

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: EdD, PhD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Divorce/Divorce Prevention, Infidelity / Affair Recovery, Marriage, Nutrition, Wellness
Other Articles/News by Dr. Charles & Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz:

Stop Thinking About Your Meaningful Life And Start Living It


Learning about life is one thing, but it's how you actually live your life that matters. Philosophers throughout history have offered guidance and theories about the importance of living a joyful and meaningful life. But those philosophers talk in concepts and generalities instead of providing helpful lessons that can be implemented. After recently ... Read more

Worried About Money? 5 Sanity Saving Strategies For Smart Couples


When money problems become the main source of stress in your marriage, it is time to act. Simply hoping your money problems will go away will not solve them. It takes a real commitment from both of you to work as a team toward common financial goals. People in promise to love support each other through thick and thin and through good and bad financial ... Read more

7 Signs Your Marriage Counselor Is Giving You Terrible Advice


Sometimes we wonder why so many good folks in America have fallen prey to the lies and distortions about marriage they hear from uninformed "experts" or people with political agenda?  Why are so many willing to accept the negative pronouncements about marriage — it is a failed institution (it is not); the divorce rate is over 50% ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular