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How To Kill Communication In A Marriage

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How To Kill Communication In A Marriage
NEVER say these 5 things to your spouse.

Negative and hurtful statements can have the power to cut through the very fabric of the bond between two people in love. Words can damage and potentially destroy the foundation of your relationship. Make no mistake about it, words matter.

While we have learned many lessons over the past 30 years from the thousands of happily married couples we have interviewed, one of the most interesting is about the importance of the words to our relationships.

More from YourTango: Do You Know When To Walk Away From Mr. Wrong?

The advice from these great couples about the five things you should NEVER say to your spouse once again demonstrates why these couples are role models for all who want to stay happily married.

NEVER say these five things to your spouse:

1. I told you so! Trust us on this – these four words are rarely ever used in successful marriages. This kind of “comeuppance” has no place in a loving relationship. There is no need to remind your spouse that you were right about something and they were wrong. Talk about wasted criticism.

2. It’s your fault! Sometimes, a financial decision goes bad, one of your children gets in trouble at school, or some household calamity occurs. And know this – things do go bad from time to time in any relationship. Decisions turn out wrong. Stuff happens! But the blame game never works! It alienates. It divides. It most certainly undermines trust and openness in your relationship.

3. Why do you always . . . Focusing on your spouse’s weakness rather than building on their strengths will only increase their weakness and diminish their strength. This habit can send a relationship into a downward spiral if weaknesses are pointed out and commented upon. Success does breed success. Stick with the strengths and don’t focus on weakness.

4. Saying “I am mad at you about . . . ” in a public setting. Criticizing your spouse in public or to someone else can do permanent damage to the trust in your relationship. True or not – it doesn’t matter. Keep private things private.

5. Seriously? Talk about a conversation stopper. “Seriously” is an automatic put-down. It assumes that you think your partner is wrong and instantly puts them in their place. 
Since saying negative or hurtful things can be damaging to a loving relationship. it is wise to take extra caution before engaging your mouth when these negative thoughts come to your mind.

More from YourTango: Ready For Lasting Love? 5 Ways To Let Go Of Past Relationships

Here are four questions to ask yourself before you speak:

1. Will my comment hurt?  Sometimes we just blurt out things that are hurtful or negative without thinking about their impact.

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Article contributed by
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Dr. Charles & Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz

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Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz
America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts
**For marriage advice and hundreds of practical tips, read the Doctors' best-selling and multiple-award winning book Building a Love that Lasts. Available wherever books are sold.  Learn How to Marry the Right Guy when you read the Doctors' latest book--2014 Mom's Choice Awards Gold Medal for Best Relationship Book. Learn more about America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts.

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: EdD, PhD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Divorce/Divorce Prevention, Infidelity / Affair Recovery, Marriage, Nutrition, Wellness
Other Articles/News by Dr. Charles & Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz:

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