Can You Marry A Guy Who Doesn't Share Your Values?

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Can You Marry A Guy Who Doesn't Share Your Values?
Armed with the right questions, you will know if you should marry him or run.
  • How important do you think it is that I am happy?
  • Is it more important that I am happy or that you are satisfied?  Can we have both?
  • If what makes me happy you don't like to do, how will you deal with that?

4. The couple in love values absolute trustworthiness and integrity in their relationship with each other. Trust is at the very heart of a successful marriage. If you cannot trust the one you love, then it is not true love!

Questions to ask him: ***You are listening to hear that he always tells the truth, that he highly values trustworthiness and that you can depend upon him. He has to claim a 9 or a 10 on honesty to feel honesty is important to his personality.

  • Do you always tell the truth to your family and friends?
  • On a scale of 1 to 10, how honest are you with other people?
  • Ask him about anything that he might be holding back about and see if he opens up.

5. The couple in love is committed to caring and unconditional love for each other. When you truly love someone you do so without conditions. It is not about loving you IF . . . True love is unconditional.

Questions to ask him: ***You are listening to hear unconditional love, not love that is only if.  Love has to be given freely and not based upon what ifs.

  • Will you love me if I gain 50 pounds?
  • If I become sick and cannot contribute to our family income, what will you do?
  • Can you think of a time or situation when you would not still love me?

6. The couple in love is committed to being mutually respectful towards each other. Respectfulness is at the very heart of all great loving relationships.

Questions to ask him: ***You are listening to hear that he will treat you with respect whether in public or in private. There is NO compromise here on this issue. Either he treats you with respect all of the time or you need to consider this guy as someone you cannot spend your life with. As love and marriage experts, we can tell you that respect is something you cannot fake and you cannot live without.

  • When we are in public, will you share things with others that are not flattering about me?
  • Will you always treat me with respect or only do so when we are in front of other people?
  • Will you ever chip away at my confidence level by putting me down or will you find my strengths compelling?

7. The couple in love values their mutual sense of responsibility for each other. A person in love cares for the one their love in ways that they have never cared for another human being.

Questions to ask him: ***You are listening to hear that he expresses positive worry about you. He should be concerned and interested in your healthy living habits, safety and general wellbeing. This should include the feeling of responsibility for your success.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Charles & Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz

Author

Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz
America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts
**For marriage advice and hundreds of practical tips, read the Doctors' best-selling and multiple-award winning book Building a Love that Lasts. Available wherever books are sold.  Learn How to Marry the Right Guy when you read the Doctors' latest book--2014 Mom's Choice Awards Gold Medal for Best Relationship Book. Learn more about America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts.

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: EdD, PhD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Divorce/Divorce Prevention, Infidelity / Affair Recovery, Marriage, Nutrition, Wellness
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