Can You Marry A Guy Who Doesn't Share Your Values?

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Can You Marry A Guy Who Doesn't Share Your Values?
Armed with the right questions, you will know if you should marry him or run.

Without a general agreement between the two of you about core values, what issues that you care deeply about and how you want to live your lives together as a couple, your chances of being happily married for a lifetime are not good. As love and marriage experts, we know that you simply cannot marry a man who doesn't share your values.

So, how do you find out what he really thinks? Actually, a guy will tell you a great deal about what he thinks if you just ask him. Armed with the right questions, you can learn a lot about the guy you think you love. The challenge is to listen effectively and match his answers against your core values, what you care deeply about and matters most to you. 

What does he think about each of the core values that form the basis of all great relationships?

1. The couple in love is committed to always putting each other first in their relationship with each other. Discovering that neither of you alone are the center of the universe is the hallmark of a great relationship. If he can truly commit to putting you first before himself, then it is a powerful indicator that he is committed to making the relationship work.

Questions to ask him: ***You are listening to hear that he truly puts you first, as well as watching his reaction. He has to not only say the right words, his daily actions have to match his words.

  • Which is more important, my desire to eat healthy and exercise or your desire to eat fun fast foods and relax?
  • How important do you think it is for me to pursue my degree, career opportunity, life goals, and success?
  • Which is more important, my need to have a clean house or your need to put things wherever you want to?

2. The couple in love is committed to democracy in their relationship. True love is a very democratic thing! If one person has all the power and makes all the decisions, it is NOT love.

Questions to ask him: ***You are listening to hear that he thinks you are just as important in making decisions and thinking about issues as he is. Without a true partnership, it will be impossible to have an egalitarian relationship.

  • How will we determine who does what chores or who has which responsibilities?
  • How will we decide what to do in our free time on weekends?
  • How will we decide what friends we want to hang around with?

3. The couple in love is committed to ensuring their mutual happiness. True love is not just about ensuring your happiness. More importantly, both of you actually enjoy and are motivated by ensuring the happiness of someone other than yourself.

Questions to ask him: ***You are listening to hear that he is determined to do whatever it takes to make you happy and that your happiness is important to him.

Article contributed by
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Dr. Charles & Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz

Author

Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz
America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts
**For marriage advice and hundreds of practical tips, read the Doctors' best-selling and multiple-award winning book Building a Love that Lasts. Available wherever books are sold.  Learn How to Marry the Right Guy when you read the Doctors' latest book--2014 Mom's Choice Awards Gold Medal for Best Relationship Book. Learn more about America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts.

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: EdD, PhD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Divorce/Divorce Prevention, Infidelity / Affair Recovery, Marriage, Nutrition, Wellness
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