Are You Sure You Can Change Him? [EXPERTS]

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Are You Sure You Can Change Him? [EXPERTS]
Find out if he has any of the 7 fatal personality characteristics that you cannot change.

As love and marriage experts, our favorite research question for a woman whose marriage has failed is : Why do you think your marriage failed?

The answer we often get from our female respondents is this, "I thought I could fix him." We wish she had asked us about this issue before she decided she could change him into "Mr. Right."

The truth is, YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM! Either accept him the way he is—warts and all—or move on. He cannot be a "fixer-upper project."

Always remember, the personality of a human being is WELL established by their early to late teen years! If you think you can change him, you are potentially setting yourself up for an unsatisfying and failed relationship . . . and often times, with dangerous consequences.

There are many red flags in a relationship that can help you determine if the guy you think you want to marry has any of the 7 fatal personality flaws. Recognizing these seven fatal personality flaws could save you from a lifetime of unhappiness, distress, and, very often, danger: 

1. Bullying Behavior: Nobody likes a bully. We have all seen them. And sadly, there is a bully in many marriages and in many relationships. There are bullies everywhere, make no mistake about it. A bully wants to show you that they are in charge of YOU! A bully wants to make you cower in his presence. He is always trying to get inside of you and weaken you. A bully is a termite. He wants to eat away at your interior so he can control you. So, we ask this simple question, "Does your mate bully you?" If he does, it is time to walk away from your relationship.

2. Condescending Attitude: Here's the deal—your guy is NOT your master, ladies! You are not his slave. And frankly, there is no hierarchy in a loving relationship. He is not more important than you. His attitudes and opinions do not trump yours. If he exhibits a condescending attitude towards you more than once a week, you might want to reconsider your relationship with him. There are no feelings of superiority in successful loving relationships. Love and friendship are all about equality. If he acts like he is superior, it is time for you to move on!

3. Controlling Behavior: We often hear women say to us, "He always wants to be in charge." "He wants to have the last word." "If I want to go to movie X, he buys tickets for movie Y." He wants to control who you talk to, what you do and where you go. The simple truth of the matter is this—he wants to be in charge. Behaviors tell us a story, of that you can be sure. He has no right to be in charge. True loving relationships are characterized by adherence to democracy—a relationship where responsibility is shared. Having someone "in charge" does not make for a healthy relationship or marriage.

4. Narcissistic Personality: Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings. This is a serious red flag to be cautious about. Men with narcissistic personalities cannot be changed.

Article contributed by

Dr. Charles & Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz

Author

Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz
America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts
**For marriage advice and hundreds of practical tips, read the Doctors' best-selling and multiple-award winning book Building a Love that Lasts. Available wherever books are sold.  Learn How to Marry the Right Guy when you read the Doctors' latest book--2014 Mom's Choice Awards Gold Medal for Best Relationship Book and 2014 Eric Hoffer Gold Medal for Best Self-Help Book, and the  Learn more about America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts.

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: EdD, PhD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Divorce/Divorce Prevention, Infidelity / Affair Recovery, Marriage, Nutrition, Wellness
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