Why Men Have The 'Madonna-Mistress Complex'


Why Men Have The 'Madonna-Mistress Complex'
How to make sure that your husband will celebrate Valentine's Day instead of Mistress Day!

Valentine's Day should be special and romantic for couples, but it may actually be someone outside the marriage who is getting the attention and special gifts. AOL reports that February 13th is becoming just as busy for florists, restaurants and others because it's the day men take out their mistresses. In this situation, everyone loses.

"Aside from the issue of the affair in the first place, the mistress is going to feel second fiddle for being taken out on the 13th, which will often lead the man to purchase more expensive, romantic gifts for her. They'll get diamonds or jewelry for their mistress and gift their wife with something like a blender or a practical gift. The wife will be taken out on the 14th but men often buy their wives something less romantic."


According to a website called Ashley Madison, men will spend more money on gifts for their mistresses than on gifts for their wives. Dr. Bonnie says they do this to impress and pacify the mistress because they feel guilty about not being able to spend time with her on Valentine's Day and forcing her into "half a loaf" status. Men will even take their mistress and wife to the same restaurant, but on different nights, essentially making the staff of the restaurant accomplices in the affair as well.

Dr. Bonnie identifies this problem as the Madonna-Whore complex. This is the split that happens when men begin to see their wives as "The Madonna" or the person who takes care of them and their children. They then seek out another woman to fulfill their need for excitement, novelty and mystery. "Men often turn their wife into a "Madonna," the caregiver, and put her on a pedestal. They then turn to the mistress to fulfill their thrill-seeking, sexual desires," Dr. Bonnie elaborates.

Instead of creating a lose-lose situation for everyone, Dr. Bonnie instructs her patients to have an affair with their own partner instead of seeking out someone else to fill the role of sexy romantic. She offers this tip for wives: "Get out of the house, put on a sexy outfit, and go out on the town with your husband! This way, husbands will be inclined to see their wives as the 'mistress' instead of as just the Madonna."

Additionally, "it's important to constantly re-create, revitalize and re-energize those brain chemicals that couples had when they first fell in love," says Dr. Bonnie. Engaging in a behavior as simple as a 20-second hug which releases dopamine that will  make you feel alive, happy or in love. Another option is a 30-second kiss which releases a dose of oxytocin, the cuddle hormone that will help you feel bonded and happy. These are the brain chemicals at work when people first fall in love, so making them last through life is important. Affection Is Key To Keeping Love Alive

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
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Dr. Bonnie Weil


Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil
Relationship and Family Therapist

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: PhD
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