My Holiday Gift To Men Everywhere


My Holiday Gift To Men Everywhere
A letter to your wives and girlfriends.

Dear wives and girlfriends,

This fun and festive holiday season brings much promise. There will be parties, celebrations, and gift exchanges. Colorful trees, sweet and familiar melodies, and delicious food. It is a time to reconnect with family, friends, and that which is deeply meaningful.


Beyond all of these external satisfactions, I want you to have a sweet, tender moment of intimate connection with your partner. If you already have that, count yourself among the blessed and read no further. Happy Holidays!

For those who are still reading, my sadness and frustration with wives and girlfriends is driving this blog. I can't tell you how often I see a couple with a sweet enough man and an angry, critical woman. No matter what he does, he can't please her. She wants him to clean, but then she criticizes the way he does it. She wants him to help with the children, and then she micromanages and complains about his playful approach to child care. She expects him to know exactly how to get to an unfamiliar location and berates him when he asks her to help navigate the drive.

Then there is the woman who wants her husband to sense what she wants, but is unwilling to verbalize a request. "He shouldn't have to ask. He should know...." Hmm...okay.

The list of examples could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. Ladies, if you are with a surly malcontent, this will not help you. But maybe you are the critical, angry one who happens to be with a good enough well-intentioned man. You may be turning him into a bigger bumbler with your criticism. Think about it.

What you don't know is this: All he wants to do is please you. He lives to make you happy. He would give large amounts of money to see your soft, beautiful gaze and feel your sweet, tender affection. You used to have that, but it has gotten lost in the shuffle of your quest for perfection and control.

So, if you would like to take my challenge, try this: take a deep breath, take your hands off your hips, and contemplate how lucky and blessed you are to have a gentleman who adores you. Let your gratitude and softness show through. Close your mouth for just a second and think about how you want to make that request. Let that moment of connection emerge and enjoy a beautiful holiday season together.

More how to be happy advice from YourTango:

This article was originally published at Bonnie Ray Kennan. Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
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Dr. Bonnie Ray Kennan


Dr. Bonnie Kennan

Location: Torrance, CA
Credentials: CGP, EFT, LMFT, PsyD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Divorce/Divorce Prevention, Personality Disorders
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