How To Save Your Marriage: 7 Tips To Succeed At Counseling

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How To Save Your Marriage: Tips To Succeed At Couples Counseling
Ask yourself: What are you willing to do to salvage your relationship?

5. Set boundaries with your friends. Ask them to support you in a way that is truly supportive and sometimes, that means respecting your privacy. Tell them that it is not helpful for them to give you a list of reasons why you are better off without him. They will not be there to warm the bed at night when this is all over.

6. Tell your counselor whether you want to stay together or break up. If you want to end the relationship as you start therapy, tell your counselor. This will redefine "successful therapy" and improve your chances of being successful. Then, you will work to end a relationship well, rather than to repair and continue the relationship. You can still tell your friends and family you tried couples counseling, but you will avoid a great deal of frustration for you, your partner and the counselor.

7. Know that it is valid to go to therapy if you are 99 percent sure you want to end your relationship. This means that a tiny part of you is open to the possibility of changes that might come as a result of good intervention. There will be plenty of time for divorce and all it entails if you shift to 100 percent certainty. For now, you need to stay open to the process and new possibilities.

If you are calling a couples counselor, chances are pretty good that you have lived for some time without the deeply satisfying comfort of a secure, respectful, attached relationship. In good therapy, you will have glimpses of that experience very early on. You'll be taken aback by the unexpected emotions, but remember this: Intimacy is what you say you want. Intimacy is good for your soul. It is a noble desire to want to love and be loved deeply.

Romantic relationships are a bit like sky-diving. You have to do the work and prepare yourself for the moment of freefall. Then you have to jump out of the plane, pull the ripcord and trust. You can't have the joy and the rush if you aren't willing to have that moment when you are not absolutely certain your parachute will open.

In sum, ask yourself: Do I really want to fly? If the answer is "yes," do the work earnestly and wholeheartedly. Then, take breath and jump out of the plane!

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Bonnie Ray Kennan

Counselor/Therapist

Dr. Bonnie Kennan

Location: Torrance, CA
Credentials: CGP, EFT, LMFT, PsyD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Divorce/Divorce Prevention, Personality Disorders
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