Dr. Adam Sheck explains the psychology behind so many famous men acting out on the Internet.
Why Are Men So Stupid?
It really is a good question to ask, “Why are men so stupid?” and of course the context is when it comes to sex. Why do men like Rep. Weiner, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Brett Favre and Tiger Woods who appear to have good lives, risk their happiness and success by having affairs or taking big risks on social media? Why would anyone in their right mind put questionable pictures or text messages or emails out into the Internet?
The simple answer of course, is what has been referred to as “the dumbstick”, aka the penis. The blood rushes into the “little head” and drains the “big head” of any capacity. That is the unflattering biological explanation. Having worked for over twenty years with many men and couples, many who have endured affairs, I believe there is more to it than that.
When a man is living in his deepest purpose, in his highest self, his true mission, he is open, alive and true to himself. If he is in a committed relationship, it gives him another area to express himself and share of himself fully. It contributes to his life and his mission.
When a man is NOT being true to his life purpose, he is not satisfied and is vulnerable to using superficial sexuality to gain a sense of energy and purpose. It is perhaps a shallow purpose, a less than noble purpose, yet it provides him with an object to place his energy, his drives into and he feels a little more alive than before. And somehow, feeling alive is worth the risk, compared to the deadness of not being true to yourself.
It still doesn’t move him towards his true mission in life and in fact may destroy his existing life, as in the example of the “gentlemen” mentioned earlier in this article. And perhaps on a deeper, unconscious level, there is the need to destroy and deconstruct his existing life in order to have a clean slate to rebuild towards that deepest purpose. It usually doesn’t work out for the better though, especially for the loved ones and family members involved. The collateral damage is rarely considered by the “little head”.
The solution, is like most solutions in life, simple but not easy. Taking the time to turn within and really figure out what your true purpose is and then creating a life that supports that purpose is the solution. It takes time and maturity to get to this point for most of us and there are very few role models for this process.
I work with many men who face this existential dilemma. It’s always best to face these issues PRIOR to acting them out, though for many it takes huge pain and loss to finally look at their lives and ask the tough questions.
If I can be of any support to anyone facing this, please feel free to contact me. And the counterpoint to this piece are the women who post “questionable” photos and videos of themselves on the Internet, but that’s a topic for another post.
Thanks so much,
Dr. Adam Sheck
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