This has been a fascinating question that has been open for debate for a long, long time. It's probably only second to the "does size really matter" question. From a biological perspective, it certainly would seem that the more "dominant" males will be better breeding stock and so will be more desirable to females. On the other hand, our more "civilized" society would like us to believe that a more sensitive, caring man would make a better lover.
Well, wonder no longer, Penn State University completed a study of 110 heterosexual couples to find out the quality of female orgasm (a big factor in promoting conception) as a function of male dominance and attractiveness. And the results are in!
The male partners were rated according to objective attractiveness (face symmetry) as well as observer and partner rated scales of attractiveness, masculinity and dominance. The study "found that women reported more frequent and earlier-timed orgasms when mated to masculine and dominant men". Women reported experiencing orgasm more often during or after male orgasm when with these "high-quality" men.
What does this mean for relationships? Since the "average" woman will be with an "average" man with "average" attractiveness and dominance, does this mean that they will have an "average" sex life with "average" orgasms?
While this study validates some of my experience in working with couples over the last twenty years, it doesn't have to be a "death sentence" for relationships and passion. What it means to me is that while it is important for us to recognize our genetic and biological factors in the context of relationships, there are also OTHER factors that are important as well.
Yes, we are "predisposed" with certain biological imperatives and tendencies. AND, we also have certain psychological tendencies as well that often compete with our biology (see my article, "Which Side Of The Bed Do YOU Sleep On?").
It is good to be aware of our biology in this case of "better in bed" just as it is important to consider biology in the case of monogamy and commitment in relationships. AND, we also have choice and free will.
We CAN choose to be more intimate emotionally and sexually with our partner. We CAN choose to be better lovers and learn how to express ourselves more fully in this important area of relationship. That is a big part of why I blog about passion and why I continue to work with couples to create more passion in their relationships.
What do YOU think about the Penn State study? What's YOUR experience of attractiveness, dominance and being good in bed? I'd love to hear your comments.
Thank you so much,
Dr. Adam Sheck