What I’ve learned about sex after baby in the last six months.
Well this is the end of my Six Month Sex Challenge
It’s been six months since I’ve started this sex journey. My, my how time flies when you’re trying to raise two kids, work and have sex.
In a rare quiet moment, it hit me just how much has happened—from positive to negative. Flashes ranging from being so exhausted I seriously thought I was going to lose my mind; to being incredibly happy that I was making efforts; to fights over sex (god!); to extremely tender moments.
The last six months have truly has been a roller coaster ride. And I’ve learned a lot about sex after baby. Why it is just so darn difficult to have. And why it’s important to make the effort.
Here’s the twenty things I’ve learned about having sex after baby
(1) Having a decent sex life is work and takes effort. The days of spontaneous sex are over…at least for the next eighteen years.
(2) For at least the first six months, it probably won’t be the best sex of your life…or even close…
(3) There will be fights over sex, even if you’re having sex.
(4) Whatever couple challenges you didn’t resolve before baby, will ultimately be magnified once baby arrives…and it will affect a woman’s will, want and desire for sex.
(5) Sex is so much more than having intercourse. And in fact, at this juncture there is too much emphasis on sex rather than intimacy.
(6) You need to get into the habit, or at the very least communicate about sex early. The longer you leave it, the longer it will sit between the two of you like the big white elephant in the room.
(7) Unless you look for time to spend with your partner (whether you are having sex or not), it won’t happen.
(8) Finding a mutually agreed upon time—some might call this scheduled sex—like baby’s nap time is the best way to make sure sex happens.
(9) Ladies, you have to think like a man when it comes to sex: that is you’ve got to have sex on your terms and not feel guilty taking what you want.
(10) Which means you have to figure out what you want out of the sexual experience—generally it’s about being nurtured—and communicate that to your partner.
(11) When the sex is all about what you want, it will reenergize you.
(12) Having sex is not static (i.e. once a week); rather a constantly evolving entity that needs to be nurtured and respected as much as your new baby’s evolution.
(13) There will never be a perfect time to have sex.
(14) Therefore, you need to have ‘despite’ sex. Despite everything that’s going on, you’ll make an effort to make time for each other.
(15) It’s important to mix things up and bring new ideas in.
(16) All your creative energy can’t go into your kids. Some of it has to be reserved for your partnership.
(17) You can’t let excuses get in the way. It’s way too easy to say, “I’m tired” because you genuinely are tired. Soon though it may turn into an excuse you automatically use without thinking.
(18) Be careful to not consistently have five minute quickie/ ‘maintenance sex’.
(19) Sometimes sex will energize you and you will remember why it’s fun to have.
(20) It’s probably the only time you’re going to be close, so enjoy and make the most of your time together.
My next book
So of course I had to take all of this hard work and put it into a book which will, hopefully, be called Sex After Baby. I’m always looking for insights from real moms on their journey to have sex after baby.