The antithesis of erotic would have to be ‘new mom’. So how can a new mom feel erotic?
It’s not an urban legend
About ten years ago a colleague of mine told me about one of her clients. She was a full time mom with three small children. When her husband would walk through the door after a full day of work, she would hand over the kids, go upstairs and transform herself from mother into wife. This, she felt, was the reason she and her husband had an incredibly erotic sex life.
Ten years ago I was single and didn’t have a clue what a maverick this mommy was. The whole idea around being erotic is selfishly taking your own pleasure. And it’s the antithesis of what society expects moms to be: selfless.
Making it all about me
Since I’ve started this Six Month Sex Challenge, I dipped my big toe into making sex about what I want every other week. There’s been zero guilt—doing what I want to do is quintessential for my (and my husband’s) sexual happiness. And we’ve both had fun.
However, ‘transforming’ myself once my husband got home seemed to take this all-about-me thing to a whole new level. Doing a complete week seemed daunting, I decided to go with three days.
First night of transformation
It was pure coincidence that we had a date night with another couple. It’s easy to get in the mind set of transforming myself to go out on a date. And it was really fun…until I came home and it was a mad dash to get two tired kids into bed. No erotic feelings there.
Second night of transformation
My two ‘darling’ kids were terrors that day. By the time my husband walked through the door I was ready to have a big martini and even bigger cry.
I handed him the kids and proceeded to the bathroom. Turned on the fan to drown out the noises of the screaming (husband) children. Took my time in the shower—what a luxury—and gave myself a facemask, and a mini pedicure. My husband, the darling, made supper and fed the kids. Not yet at erotic but definitely getting warmer.
Third day of transformation
This was the only time I truly felt guilt. I booked an appointment to get some acupuncture—for no other reason than to make me happy. My mom came over to take care of the kids; something which I only rely on if I’m working. Never, never, never for my own pleasure…hence the reason for the guilt.
As soon as I walked into the Chinese Doctor’s room, I realized just how desperately I needed someone to take care of me. It was like being lifted out of a fog. The next day I felt better than I have for a very long time.
The verdict on being selfish
And you know what? It felt really nice to be selfish. Being able to intentionally take care of me while my husband took care of everything else was an incredible revelation. Being able to be pampered was an incredible treat.
Did I feel erotic and sexy? Yes, yes, and yes. The following day we had the best sex since starting this challenge. Unbelievable how much these three days made a difference to my sex life. I will seriously look at making this happen again.
Lesson I learned from last week: Intimacy, sex and a relationship is in constant flux after a child is born—it’s easy to feel discouraged and give up on each other. It’s most important to trudge on and make big efforts to be a couple.
If you try this mommy/ wife transformation, please let me know what happens.
Read all the Six Month Sex Challenge posts here.