(Orginally published December 6, 2009)
Week #2— Six Month Sex Challenge: Getting my needs met for good sex won’t be smooth sailing…unless I put my foot down and make it happen.
Lesson I learned from last week: Finding time to have sex has become a lot more challenging with baby #2.
My Needs vs. the Bills&Jets Game
Lessoned learned from last week: I can no longer count on weekend naps to fit in sex. Crap!!! That completely bites the big burrito.
Part of my Six Month Sex Challenge is to make one week about my sexual needs and the alternative week about what my husband would like. So to start, this week is all about me. Me, me, me, me.
For months now I’ve been fantasizing about a hot rock massage, (you know those massages where they put warm stones on your back.) I decided that what I wanted out of “sex” this week was a lovely all-about-me massage.
A short foot massage should be easy enough to make time for I reasoned...but, of course, it wasn’t. You see we had a friend visiting for the entire week. Granted we are good enough pals for me to say to our friend, “We are going off for a few minutes. Potato chips are in the cupboard and sports are on TV.”
The problem was my husband desperately needed that male bonding time. I didn’t have the heart to pull him away from the nightly football and hockey matches. And I was NOT willing to wait until 11:00—even if it was for an all-about-me massage.
Then suddenly it was Friday. As our weekend was packed full of activities, I knew it had to be this night or it was not going to happen.
Friday morning I handed my husband a tube of foot lotion and as flirty as I could muster before my second cup of coffee said, “Can you massage my feet tonight?” He gave me a pained look and whined, “But we’ve taped the Bills vs. Jets game.”
I stared at him belligerent. Seeing that I would not relent, he gave me a pained sigh and said, “Sure.” Not the type of enthusiasm I had expected about initiating some fun. Wouldn’t you know that night the bugger tried to dodge his massaging duty after the supper, chores and bed routine.
I confronted him at 9:00 and said, “I thought you were going to give me a massage.” He came back with, “I have pressing things that I need to do…like clean the fish tank.” Exasperated I retorted, “Isn’t having couple time more important than cleaning your fish tank?” (I couldn’t make this up if I tried.)
At that moment, the newborn woke up. Sigh. The three of us trudged to the bedroom. As an act of goodwill, I massaged his feet first. He held the baby and as the foot massage progressed, I could see both of us relaxing. Then it was my turn. Hooray! Finally a bit of much needed me nurturing.
As soon as the baby was handed to me, he started to wail. My husband, who wanted to get the massage over and done with, didn’t wait for the crying to stop. I didn’t even notice the first foot’s massage as I was trying to calm down my child.
Frustrated tears formed on my lower lids and I just about called the whole thing off. But then the baby settled down and I was able to settle back and calm my frazzled nerves.
Then it happened. My husband and I started to chat and giggle. We then—gasp!—shared some real couple connection time. It probably only lasted for five minutes. Yet it was enough for me to glean that much prized intimacy that I crave. My baby smiled at me and for just one moment the world felt more than perfect.
My husband abruptly jumped off the bed and bee-lined it out of the bedroom to watch the Bills vs. Jets game. No where near an ideal night and still worth the effort.
Next week is all about my husband. I hope making time for sex is easier as his needs are so much more straight forward.
Read all the Six Month Sex Challenge posts here.