There was a pregnant pause over the phone line and then a confused, “Sex once a week…? That’s the challenge?” With a deep sigh, I had to admit that even to my own ears it sounded pretty lame.
How could I explain to my (childless) friend that taking a shower once a week was an exercise in time management gymnastics—and a much higher priority than sex?
“So, um, yes. Sex once a week. That’s the challenge,” I replied, desperate to not feel sexually inadequate.
At the same time feeling a pang of anger that there’s so much pressure to have sex, be sexy and sexual. All that pressure is such a turn off to sex.
Besides, the whole idea behind the Six Month Sex Challenge* wasn’t to prove that I could have wild, crazy sex every single day after baby—which, quite frankly, I’m not sure I could. Doing that kind of challenge would only serve to make every other couple with a small baby feel inadequate about their own sex life.
No, I did this challenge to get my sex life back on track and show couples what a healthy and realistic sex life can look like after baby is born.
I’ll be quite honest, there were weeks that the only reason I had sex was to fulfill the challenge. Many, many weeks it was a precarious balancing act of figuring out a time, getting kids to sleep, trying to get in the mood.
But one thing I know for sure. It was worth every second. Not just because of the sex. I was forced to think about how my sex life was going to be. I had to think of exciting things to do. I had to look for times to have sex. I initiated sex (not like that was a big deal…but even so).
Six months after my child was born and my husband and I had a solid sex life. Notice I didn’t say perfect sex life. It’s not perfect. Nor do I expect it ever will be perfect. But we are connected as a couple and are in a healthy space to make sex work.
And for me that’s the holy grail of a long term relationship: to have hope that sex will be an important aspect of your relationship now and twenty years from now.
That’s what I hope for you with my new website Have Sex After Kids.com.
For you to figure out in your own relationship how to have a realistic and happy sex life that works for you.
*Six Month Sex Challenge
For six months after my second son was born, I attempted to have sex at least once a week with my husband…and then I blogged about it. Go to TrinaRead.com to read what happened.