Are You Secretly Masturbating?

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Are You Secretly Masturbating?

Sex therapy books like Lonnie Barbach’s For Each Other and Bernie Zilbergeld’s The New Male Sexuality show the therapeutic benefits of sharing such information. Both authors advocate that the individual is the only one who knows what feels best to them. Because these individuals may feel awkward in expressing their sexual needs, they leave it up to their partner to figure out how to best do it. This is an unfair predicament to place on the partner. In effect, it is saying, “I want you to give me the most satisfaction possible, but I am not going to tell you how to do it.”

When the individual shares how they most like to be pleasured, it is a goldmine of information for their partner. As well, it can guarantee pleasure from the majority of their sexual encounters.

Barbach’s book highlights a survey done by Philip and Lorna Sarrel, sex therapists at Yale University. They concluded, “Among women who have told their partners exactly how they like to be touched, seven out of ten indicated they have orgasms ‘every time’ or ‘almost every time’ they made love. The good communicators had intercourse oftener and were likelier to be satisfied with its frequency.”

So here is my question to you. Have you ever shared your masturbatory habits with your partner? If yes, great. If no, perhaps you need to ask yourself why or what is stopping you.

Trust me, this is one of those exercises that is intellectually easy; actually doing it is a completely different kettle of fish. Just like the couple above, a few fights might ensue. The reason is that society has scripted incredibly negative messages since childhood on how touching ourselves is wrong, bad or immoral.

Yet when you open yourself up to your partner and become more vulnerable, it can open a whole new level of sensuality.

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