Too Tired for Sex

You have to be creative to find and create good times for sex.

6) Take a Marriage Vacation. No kids. Fun, romantic and sexy focus to even a weekend can jump start your sex life. The more sex you have, the more testosterone, dopamine and oxytocin you release. Let your physiology do its magic by having lots of sex while on vacation.

7) Redefine sex. Does sex always have to mean sexual intercourse? Women, maybe you are exhausted, but could get more into sex if your hubby focused only on you. How about sensual massage (just receive), long passionate kissing or just one person receive oral sex? Do you ever think of giving sex as a gift to your partner? Too many couples decline sex because they are tired and they don't have the energy for a luxurious, lengthy experience. What about just giving your guy a hand job or blow job? What about just focusing on the woman's pleasure? I hear that many women wish sex could sometimes be only about their personal pleasure, but they do not tell their guys. Have you ever heard of "eat her like a peach" or "pretend you have a tic tac in your mouth"? Why do we have a widely accepted term for oral sex for a man: "blow job", but not one for a woman? If either of you think that you are too tired for sex, ask each other if you are up for anything sexual? Maybe a sexual appetizer could be on the menu even if you don't have energy for a big sexual meal!

8) Communicate. Talk to your partner about your fatigue, and then challenge each other to take better care of yourselves and find better times when you are not so tired. A common mistake that many couples make is losing momentum. They get a babysitter, go out for the evening, drink some wine, feel amorous, and then come home. One person takes 15 minutes checking email...and the momentum is gone. The other person tried to wait for them, but fell asleep in the process. Been there, done that. Keep the date feeling going all the way to the bedroom. Or living room. Or hot tub...

9) Spice it up. Are you really too tired or honestly has sex become a little boring or too predictable? Have a heart to heart sex talk. What do you each like about your sex life? Focus on the positives. What would you like to be different? Spice it up. Try something new. Visit a sex store together. Read a sex book. Be creative. Maybe you would be less tired if sex was more fun, novel and engaging.

10) Rally. If you have dinner plans, and you are exhausted do you usually rally for the occasion? When you feel tired, and you have to go to work, do you drink a little coffee, show up and do your best? Do you give needed love and attention to your children? Sadly, many couples begin to see their sex lives as optional. They take it for granted, and allow fatigue to be an acceptable reason to continuously decline making love.

Instead, commit to making your sexual relationship be an important way to connect with each other, be playful, and have more fun! Research by sex therapist, Dr. Barry McCarthy found “When couples are happy enough with their sex life, it only accounts for 15% of how happy they are in their relationship. However, when either person is unhappy with their sex life it can account for 85% of their relationship happiness”. Yes, we are all busy, and fatigue definitely contributes to many of us having less sex. Talk to your partner. Do not allow the mantra, "I am too exhausted for sex" to continue any longer.