Mars Venus Q&A: Brother's Keeper


Dear John,
My brother, who is 28, is dating a woman that some in our family do not like, particularly our mother. He plans on marrying her. Our mother is having the hardest time with this. He regards our mama's opinion, and she is not going to budge. I feel strongly that it is our duty, as a family, to support his happiness and to be open minded. We all love him so much and we only want what is best for him. It hurts to see him so torn up about this, but I wonder: should he stick with this girl regardless of Mom thinks?
--Not My Brother's Keeper in Los Angeles

Dear Brother’s Keeper,
Your brother’s love for her ultimately has nothing to do with what his family thinks. He is not a child, he is an adult. If the family loves him, they can best show that love by supporting him and allowing him to follow his heart. Your brother may have made the mistake of sharing with family members or his mother some of his initial concerns about his new partner in order to get empathy from them. In the future, this should be avoided. Instead, in discussing his partner with his family, it would be wise for him to focus on his partner’s good qualities, and on how happy she makes him. A mother is always happy for her child if someone is making that child happy.
— John Gray

Have a question for me? email me at . You can also check out my online magazine,, for more information on establishing lasting, loving relationships.

Article contributed by

John Gray


John Gray, Ph.D. is the leading relationship expert in the world. His 17 books, including New York Times #1 best-seller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, have helped millions of men and women transform their relationships and their lives.

John will be hosting his Soul Mate Transformation Seminar in San Francisco on August 26-28, 2011. For more information, please visit

Location: Mill Valley, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Wellness
Other Articles/News by John Gray:

What Makes Monogamous Couples Tick?

By , , , ,

Are we biologically equipped to spend our lives with one person? Is monogamy even realistic?  Our changing culture and values (not to mention longer lifespans!) are making a committed relationship seem harder than ever, but that doesn't mean you can't have a happy, faithful and fulfilling marriage. Relationship experts John Gray, LiYana Silver, ... Read more

Who's Having The Most Sex?

By , , , ,

Do married couples or single people who are ready to mingle have more sex? YourTango Experts Senior VP Melanie Gorman sat down with relationship experts John Gray, Tammy Nelson, LiYana Silver and Debi Berndt to get to the bottom of this question. Turns out, it isn't such an easy question to answer. Even if you're having more sex, are you enjoying ... Read more

Why Do Women Cheat, Exactly?

By , , , ,

If you've ever been cheated on before, then you know what it feels like to have your heart broken in two. Because we're only human, we sometimes take the blame for why our partners cheat. But constantly overthinking what happened and beating yourself up with questions such as "Did she have an affair because she wasn't satisfied with our sex ... Read more

See More

My Videos
Must-see Videos
Most Popular