- The dialogue you have about the costs and consequences of divorce for you personally will help you process the loss of identity that goes with separation.
- The conversation will open up new doors and build the foundation for renewal of your personal identity.
- That way you don’t loose important parts of yourself, feel stronger, more confident and have access to all your healthy resources to function effectively.
4. Make a list of core personality characteristics that you value and that you feel are integral to your sense of self. Conscientious nature, generous to friends, a good cook, pet lover, jogger, spiritual etc. may be a some of the core things about yourself you want to integrate into your new life.
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- By honoring the parts of you that are important you are giving yourself a message that you have substance and impact whether or not you are a spouse.
- You may have had to hide or bury some very special aspects of yourself in order to fit into a marriage. Now is the time to give yourself permission to be all the things that matter to you.
- Feeling authentic and comfortable in your own skin is the best and most long lasting antidote to the stress that comes from an identity crisis brought on by divorce and separation. Own yourself with pride!
5. Listen with interest to the compliments people pay you in all the different arenas of your life. Write them down, and pay particular attention to how and when you behave in these positive ways.
- Tuning into the regard with which others hold you, gets you back in touch with your healthy and effective relationship skills.
- Validating those essential aspects of your core identity will act like a continuous positive feedback loop, giving you constant and consistent doses of self-worth and motivation to live fully despite the changes that divorce brings.
Copyright Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D. 2010
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