The Single Most Important Thing You Can Do to Win the Committed Lasting Love of the One You Really Want


Perhaps you’ve met the One only to see him or her come on like crazy, but then pull back for no apparent reason. So all of a sudden, everything becomes murky and uncertain in terms of your relationship. Are you a couple or not? Has your partner met someone else? Why are they running hot and cold? Do you have a future together? Should you have “the talk” about where things stand? Maybe you blurted out something about the future only to find your heart sinking as your Beloved pulled away and actually left you. And you wonder, Is it me? Is it my partner? Will I ever have a committed, solid and lasting relationship?

Maybe you are in a long term on-again, off-again relationship where one or the other of you periodically withdraws or sees other people. Have you ever been involved and in love with someone for months, or even years, only to find that they simply cannot or will not take that next step into living together or marriage?


The average time for a couple to move from dating to a committed relationship with a future that includes living together or getting married is from nine months to four years. A study of 3000 couples in the UK showed that the average length of courtship before a marriage proposal was two years, 11 months. All this varies considerably from couple to couple. But usually, if things drag on in an uncommitted state much beyond a couple of years, the relationship will tend to go downhill. And eventually die. So it is time to use the single most important thing you can do -whether you are single or in a relationship-- to win the committed lasting love of the One you really want. Here it is:

Create a Love Intention that is an affirmation about having love that is just right for you.

Write your goal down as an affirmation about you or you and your partner in the present tense, as if it is happening right now. So for example, “I have lasting, passionate fulfilling love in my life.” You might say, “I deserve a full commitment from my beloved.” Or you could write, “Brad and I commit to moving in together.” Post your Love Intention where you and you alone can see it every day. Make sure to read your note several times a day. Give the affirmation your full attention for just a few seconds.

Please note: you do not have to believe an affirmation in order for it to “work” and come true. Simply say it and let yourself have a bit of an imaginary fantasy as if it were true. The latest research shows that this process can literally retrain and rewire the neural connections in your brain! And with that retraining, come new thoughts, positive thoughts that create even more connections in the brain and so on. As you practice your Love Intention affirmation over time, your brain will create more and more connections that help reinforce your belief and love intention.

Reading or thinking the affirmation will help keep your attention focused on what you want to create instead of having thoughts about past or current disappointments or worries about the future.

Commitment ultimately stems from making a decision about what you are creating in your life and putting your attention on that decision, over and over again, and then acting on it, even in the face of disappointments. You decide, commit and take action towards your own love-filled happy future.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Diana Kirschner


Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed new relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-seller “Love in 90 Days.”

Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: PhD
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