Putting Your Relationship On Probation: Part 2


Putting Your Relationship On Probation: Part 2
Evaluating the cost of loss.

2. Your partner does not respond to direct requests to fulfill your most important needs.

3. He does not change his behavior when you have The Talk, use Positive Paranoia, or put the relationship on probation.


4. You feel depressed or beaten down and your self-esteem has taken a hit from being with this man.

5. You are embarrassed about being with him when he has given you so little for so long.

6. He has become emotionally distant and/or stops having sex with you.

7. He says he “just wants to be friends.”

8. He says he doesn’t love you.

9. You have “had it” and are ready to leave.

10. You fight all the time.

11. He is verbally abusive toward you.

12. He cheats.

13. He says he’s leaving you (you should seize control, protect yourself and any personal assets or credit cards, and do the leaving yourself).

The last six (bold) markers are definite indicators that the relationship is in its last days. Therefore, it’s time for you to take a stand because in reality you have nothing to lose, except your dignity, your self-respect, and your precious, precious time.

I know that you are probably afraid to confront him. Maybe you even feel terror or dread. Facing loss is one of the hardest things we ever do. So it is important to lay the foundation emotionally to give yourself motivation, determination, and the courage to move forward.

Warning: Do not take a Cost-of-Loss-Stand if you are in a potentially violent or physically abusive relationship. It could be very dangerous and your safety is of primary concern! For recommendations on how to handle this type of situation, see the Cautions section in my new relationship advice book, Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love. I devote considerable time there to help ensure your safety (and that of your children) if you’re dealing with a violent partner.

Assuming you are not in a violent situation, there are 13 steps that you can take when initiating the Cost-of-Loss-Stand and they begin with a Facing Loss Talk. For the specific details on how to empower yourself and the relationship, pick up a copy of Sealing the Dealing: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Diana Kirschner


Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed new relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-seller “Love in 90 Days.”

Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: PhD
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