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Give him the space to feel confident and secure around you.
By Dr. Diana Kirschner — Written on Apr 05, 2022
Shy men are challenging for many women because they don’t make the first move. Shy women in particular are often mystified as to how to get a shy guy to open up.
Well, it’s not that difficult. With a shy guy, you simply have to be more available, take the lead more often, and maybe even give him the first kiss.
Keep in mind, however, that he needs to be responding very positively to each of your moves. If he doesn’t, end the relationship because you don’t want to be stuck in a fantasy where you are crazy about someone who is truly not into you.
Here's how to get a shy guy to open up.
1. See him when he is in his element.
For example, if he plays sports, go and watch him. Be there as he finishes a marathon.
When a shy guy is in his element he will be at the height of his charisma and at a high point of self-confidence.
Bottom line: he will be feeling very good about himself. And this means he will feel empowered to make a move on you if he is really interested.
2. Compliment him.
Notice something about him or what he is doing that you really like and praise it with a specific and sincere compliment. For example, "That blog you wrote about going to Sicily was hysterically funny and made me want to go!"
This builds his self-esteem and will tend to get him to talk more about the topic. And it may even get him to show off a bit for you.
3. Say his name a lot or give him a complimentary nickname.
This indicates that you are noticing him and that he is important to you. He will bond more quickly with you when you use his name.
Also, choose a complimentary nickname based on one of his qualities that you admire. For example, if he is into cycling, you could call him “Lance A.” This will get him to laugh and open up with you about his cycling experiences.
4. Ask open-ended questions.
Good examples are, “How did you get interested in (your job)?” or, “What brought you to live in the city?” or, “How do you manage to train for a marathon when you work full-time?”
These kinds of questions will help a shy guy open up and talk about himself. And this will lead to him feeling known and being comfortable with you.
5. Ask for help with something.
Men love to help women. They are biologically wired that way! Ask him to fix your computer, your car, your bike, your door — you name it. He will enjoy coming through for you and feel much more connected to you.
Ask him questions about what he is doing — this will get him talking more. When he is in the “helper” role he is much more likely to share with you.
6. Ask what he likes to eat or what sports, hobbies, or movies he likes.
Once you find something in common, ask him if he’d like to do it sometime.
Shy guys can be very interested in you but petrified to make the first move. It is very easy to open the door to a common interest by asking about food, hobbies, or other fun activities. When you hit on something you both love, you will instantly become more bonded.
It is easy, then, to make the first move and ask about doing the activity together. This is a good litmus test that will show if he is interested or not.
If he does not respond and make the date when you are opening the door that much, chances are he is not into you.
7. When leaving, say you’d like to see him again.
This is an easy, non-threatening way to show that you are interested in him. If he responds positively, by smiling, nodding, or saying “yes,” he may be feeling some attraction to you.
At that point, make sure he has your contact information!
8. Make light physical contact with him.
If you’ve spent some time together, make physical contact with him. Being physical with him releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone. In turn, he may feel closer to you and start responding.
In addition, making physical contact often opens the door so that he makes an affectionate gesture towards you later on — where he holds your hand, puts his arm around you, or kisses you.
Practice some or all of these flirting tips and you’ll be an expert at bringing out the best in guys.
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Dr. Diana Kirschner is a master dating coach. For more dating and relationship tips, sign up for her 3 free Empowering Love Trainings.