Date Him or Dump Him?
In order to have emotional freedom in dating it is important to be like an anthropologist in the world of men--to study them and understand their unique qualities and attributes. You need to suspend judgment about what a man ought to be like. We expect a lot based on fairy tales, romantic movies and the media: the all-perfect prince is supposed to come along and sweep us away to the magic kingdom of love. But real life is not a fairy tale or a movie. There are no perfect guys. So how do you know whether to date him or dump him?
The severity of men’s dating and commitment issues varies from person to person. So here are eight key questions to ask yourself about the guy and the relationship:
• What does he say about the possibility of real love, women in general, and his past relationships? Read between the lines.
• What do you notice about his thinking about being involved in a long-term relationship or marriage?
• How does he describe other couples?
• If his friend is getting married, is he cynical? Does he describe his married buddies as trapped in some way?
• Does he say it would take a good three to four years to know if a person is ready to be with someone?
• Does he say love never lasts?
• Did his parents stay married and if so, how does he describe their relationship? If divorced, did they remarry successfully?
• Does he have any role models who have shown him what a good marriage is like?
Who are the Keepers?
In Love in 90 Days, I show you how to identify and work with each of the 16 types of guys’ Deadly Dating Patterns. If a guy has one of these patterns, yet he is self-reflective and working on his issues and crazy about you, he is a keeper. Once again, no man is perfect. Of course, neither are you. So ask yourself: how much does this man want to have love, that is, love with you in his life? And what is he willing to do or change to have that special, lasting experience?
As you consider the answers to these questions you will have many ‘Aha’ experiences in understanding the minds of men. Armed with this knowledge you can quickly get away from guys who are DUDs (Definitely Unworkable Dudes) or relationships that are truly dead-end or even destructive. You can see clearly when it is time to stay and work on the relationship or when it’s time to cut your losses and go. You will be freer to choose the ones you want, the ones who give you love that is just right for you.
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