We all feel shlumpy and like losers at times. Unlucky. Especially in love . As Valentine’s Day looms, it would be great to turn that losing streak around, to set the stage for the love you really want. I have a few powerful dating tips to help you reverse gears and head into a romantic future, adapted from my new book, Sealing the Deal: the Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love . And you are going to love them because they involve shopping! You’re going to look for a gemstone or a piece of jewelry that symbolizes your Love Intention , that is, the affirmation about the relationship of your heart’s calling. Stop rolling your eyes. Not only have I seen the positive impact that “gem therapy” has had on the women I’ve helped over the last 25 years, there’s also some serious science behind this! Gemstones have been studied for thousands of years, in China, India, and more recently in Tibet. Their healing properties and their ability to empower the wearer in matters of love appear in the most ancient texts humanity has written*. They’re even part of mankind’s oldest system of medical practice; in Ayurveda , specific gems are used to rebalance the body and heal disease. But of course, as a psychologist and scientist, I had to see whether this was all just superstition . I began to study the literature on charms and amulets and came across fascinating research. In a recent series of studies at the University of Cologne, psychologists explored superstitious beliefs in college students. The overwhelming majority of students polled believed in the notion of good luck vs. bad luck. The researchers then set up six different controlled experiments designed to test how these beliefs might affect performance on a variety of physical and mental tests. For example, in one experiment, golfers who were given a “lucky ball” were 35% more accurate in their putting than when they got “the ball everyone else” used. The sixth and last study was most relevant to our discussion. Forty-one students were asked to bring their own lucky charm a ring, pearl necklace or jade stone to a memory experiment. Half of them were allowed to keep the charm while the other half were required to hand their charms to the experimenter. The results were fascinating. Those with their lucky charm had less anxiety, felt more confident and did significantly better on the memory test. The authors concluded that the subjects with jewelry or objects that had a positive meaning displayed what psychologists call self-efficacy, a fancy term for self-confidence in action**. Although we don’t know whether these lucky charms or stones are part of a placebo effect, very recent brain research has already shown the power of belief and intention in reorganizing the brain’s perceptions. So I say: What do you have to lose by selecting particular stones that are aligned with your love intention? It will remind you of a positive thought about love and through that association you will be empowered. Putting the gemstone on, touching it during the day and seeing it in the mirror will remind you of your Love Intention and thus serve to activate it mentally. Through these simple actions, your gemstone can help you focus on an exciting love future and interrupt the noise about past or current disappointments. Below are three categories of Love Intentions and select stones to go along with them based on both Eastern and Western lore*** . Pick a stone or several ( most are inexpensive ) and wear them next to your skin as necklaces or rings. Each gemstone is like a string you tie around your finger to remember something. Finding the One Rose Quartz heart, Goldstone heart, Lapis BTW, in YourTango’s 31-Day Love Life Makeover I gave my mentee, Nadette a silver and lapis bracelet that worked in a mysterious way! Getting a Commitment Diamond chips, Jade butterfly (Chinese symbol of successful love), Pearls Increasing Passion/Intimacy in A Relationship Moonstone, Sunstone, Fire Quartz Heart Go shopping and give yourself some gem therapy. You will feel more grounded and focused on the love you want to create. And that much more likely to get it. *For a review see Swami Shiva Tirtha. The Aryuveda Encyclopedia. (New York: Ayurveda Holistic Center Press, 1998). **L. Damisch Keep your Fingers Crossed. Doctoral dissertation (July , 2007) available at http://deposit.d-nb.de/cgi-bin/dokserv?idn=990524019&dok_var=d1&dok_ext=... ***A good overall source beside Swami Tirtha is J. Hall. The Encyclopedia of Crystals. (London: Octopus Publishing Group, 2006).
