If the description of a score-keeper sounds familiar to you, don’t worry. You can change your ways and dramatically improve your relationship by simply being aware when you find yourself building your case against your partner.
Recognize when you feel yourself shift into prosecutor mode and simply ease up a little. Whatever it is that has offended you, practice letting it go.
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Remember that noticing and punishing these wrongdoings is just a habit you’ve come to adopt out of fear, but that it really doesn’t protect you at all. Just the opposite, actually. This behavior is not who you are; its simply a set of actions you take. There’s a huge difference.
Remind yourself that All is Well. Even if you don’t believe it at first, practice saying it anyway. All is Well. There is nothing you have to do in order to stay safe. You’re always safe; the fear you feel is human and we all feel it at times, but it’s not real.
Keep in mind that even though keeping-score feels like it’s keeping you safe, it’s actually safer to let go and trust.
By acknowledging your fear and trusting anyway, you give your relationship its best chance at survival.
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Amy Johnson, Ph.D. is a psychologist and master certified coach. She writes a popular blog full of down-to-earth, achievable steps to living a happier, more enlightened life at www.DrAmyJohnson.com. Grab her FREE ebook on getting out of your own way to create the life you want.