Being very aware of what happens before you actually fall for the jerk can help you avoid it. Instead of going into a dating situation blindly doing what feels good or acting without thinking, reversing the pattern requires staying uber aware and making deliberate choices.
2. Remember your broader intention
Ultimately, what you really want is to be in a happy, healthy relationship. That’s why you do what you do, right? The awkward first dates, being set up by friends, giving out your number to a virtual stranger…it’s all about ultimately finding your ideal mate and being HAPPY.
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So, remind yourself of that when you feel the urge to accept a second date with a guy you know is all wrong for you.
If he stood you up twice before and now he wants to come over at midnight, simply ask yourself: Would inviting him over be in line with my broader intention to be in a happy, healthy relationship?
If he just that night separated from his wife and you feel the urge to give him your number, it’s time to ask: Would giving him my number be in line with my broader intention?
If not, consciously choose to not do it.
3. Stick with it
Know that when you go against your automatic inclination and act in line with your broader intention, it’s not going to feel normal, natural, or comfortable. Do it anyway.
That’s kind of the point. Your pattern is what’s comfortable and natural, that’s why it’s your automatic pattern. And going against the natural response won’t always feel great.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t do it anyway and stick with it. Go back to step 2 and remind yourself of what you really want. And make decisions with that goal in mind.
The only reason your pattern feels so normal is because it’s practiced, not because it’s good for you. YOU get to decide what’s best for you, not your automatic, feel-good reaction.
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Amy Johnson, Ph.D. is a psychologist and master certified coach who helps clients rewire their patterns. She writes a popular blog full of down-to-earth, achievable steps to living a happier, more enlightened life at www.DrAmyJohnson.com. Grab her FREE ebook on getting out of your own way to create the life you want.