Ready To Reignite Your Relationship?
It’s almost Valentine’s Day and while I’m not a big Hallmark kind of guy, I DO know that many of the couples that I counsel come to see me because they want to reignite their relationship and have more romance and passion in their lives. And after 20 years of counseling couples, I believe that I have a few tips to offer you. Hint: it's NOT about candy and flowers!
Just as there is no quick fix to weight loss, there is no quick fix to reigniting your relationship with romance and passion. Just as with weight loss, you must create Lifestyle Changes and create new Habits that will result in romance and passion beyond your dreams.
And while I can’t make any promises, I bet that if you begin to implement these life changes NOW, you will probably begin to reap some of the rewards by Valentine’s Day!
So let me share three of the tools that I use with my couples in my face-to-face counseling practice as well as when working with them through Skype or telephone coaching.
The first one, probably won’t sound as sexy as the next two, yet believe me, when you truly master it, and truly apply it with your partner on a regular basis, they will definitely be open to sharing their passion with you.
Relationship Tool #1: Appreciation
The first tool is Appreciation! Yes, appreciation and gratitude are fundamental qualities of long-term successful relationships. Yet for many, this is so challenging. Perhaps it’s because as children, we were exposed much more to criticism than to compliments by our caregivers. We knew that our parents loved us, but we didn’t always hear it from them or hear it from them frequently enough. Perhaps your current relationship is similar? Perhaps you know that your partner loves you, yet they have a hard time letting you know. Or letting you know in a way that you can hear it, in a way that you can feel it and let it in.
If you'd like to learn a specific appreciation exercise that I teach every couple that comes to me for counseling and will take no more than 3-5 minutes to complete, then please:
The second tool is based upon the clinical research data of Dr. John Gottman, a world-renowned researcher on marital stability at the University of Washington, Seattle. His research revealed that happy, stable couples have a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. In other words, for every negative remark or comment, there are five positive ones. This develops what Gottman calls a “reservoir of positive feelings.”
We “bank” these positive feelings and they help counteract the negativity, which is in all relationships to some degree. We ARE human, after all!
And the specific way that I recommend that you get started is to “Have fun!” And believe it or not, this might be particularly challenging to you and your partner.