I was so excited about the definition of a healthy relationship (below) that I emailed it limmediately to all of my friends and to the entire Passion 101 Newsletter subscriber list! It comes from "The Struggle For Intimacy" by Janet Geringer: 1. I can be me. 2. You can be you. 3. We can be us. 4. I can grow. 5. You can grow. 6. We can grow together. It’s so simple and yet so true. Isn’t this what we all want in all of our relationships? How healing can it be for all of us, to be able to be ourselves around those we care about? And how healing to be able to offer that gift to those we love? Easier said than done, and yet it is a skill that can be practiced and developed. That’s the work I do with couples. And when I can be me and you can be you, there is a basic safety which allows us to grow into who we are meant to be. From the perspective of humanistic psychology, we are born as these “seeds” which need the proper environment to sprout and grow into the unique, incredible human beings that we truly are born to be. Some (many?) of us didn’t have the best of environments in childhood, and so our growth was stunted. The psychotherapy relationship is a healing relationship that provides the “soil” and “nutrients” to get back on the growth track. A loving, committed relationship can also be this type of “healing relationship.” When I work with couples, that is my intention and my goal, to give them the tools to allow the couple to help each other along their healing path. When there is sufficient safety to nurture that growth, then the possibility of passion is available! Not only passion in a physical or sexual way, but in a deep, emotional way as well. And that is true intimacy: feeling safe enough to allow the different parts of ourselves to surface and be discovered by ourselves and shared with another. Isn’t that what we all want? That’s why I love my work so much and feel so fortunate to be able to help others to achieve this. Thank you so much for letting me share these thoughts with you. I hope they touch and inspire you Thanks so much, Dr. Adam Sheck P.S., And if you haven't subscribed to my free, monthly Passion 101 Newsletter, what are you waiting for? You'll also receive my Special Report, "20 Rituals for Romance" so Click Here Now!
"Over drinks at a bar my date revealed many interesting details about himself. He used to live on 'the streets.' He claimed to have 'beat Spina Bifida.' He had had a fiancé in Japan who was open to him dating women while he was in the States. After all those amazing revelations I let him know our relationship would not be romantic. As we walked out of the bar he appeared to be suffering from some sort of stomach cramp. He told me he suffered from severe IBS and desperately needed a private bathroom. I have family members who suffer from Crohn's disease so I felt very sympathetic to his situation. I offered to let him use the bathroom in my apartment. After he had finished using the bathroom, he says, 'I know you said we could just be friends and that's fine. But, I was wondering if I could just watch you pee before I leave. I only want to watch.' P.S. — I did not let him watch me pee." -Miranda, 33
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