You are "priming the pump" of your unconscious. Some of you will be able to connect to your fantasies on the first try; most will have to repeat the process a few times before achieving the desired result. And, don't be surprised if a fantasy pops into your head at a later time "spontaneously." You've planted the seeds and they will grow in their own time, perhaps while you're taking a bath, perhaps while you're driving somewhere. They WILL show up though, I promise.
The second block is about shame and self-judgment. There is no quick fix for this, as we all have internalized various degrees of judgment and criticism around sexuality, mainly from our early childhood and adolescent experiences. I would suggest for now that you create three positive affirmations about your sexuality that you repeat to yourself out loud 5 times each, twice each day.
Examples could be:
"I am a sexual being with healthy needs and desires."
"Knowing my sexual fantasies is a sign of self-knowledge and self-love."
"Sharing my sexual fantasies is a sign of intimacy and love."
The third block is that you fear what your partner will feel about your fantasies. For the most part, my experience in working with couples over the last 20 years is that your partner will be relieved and excited that you shared your fantasies. It then becomes about communicating and understanding on both of your parts, and co-creating a way to make the fantasy come true. Again, you can prepare YOURSELF to overcome this block with affirmations that remind you that you have a loving partner and to give them the benefit of the doubt in embracing your fantasies. My Unfulfilled Fantasy: Same-Sex Hookups
Examples could be:
"I have a loving partner who accepts and loves me unconditionally."
"I am with a partner who wants to share the deepest intimacy with me."
"I have a loving partner who desires to fulfill my fantasies."
I hope that this article has been helpful, and that you will take this challenge. For those of you that need additional help, I offer tele-coaching programs for couples, as well as for one member of the couple, to help bring back the passion to your relationship. You can reach me at firstname.lastname@example.org or by phone at 310-968-1526
_______________________________________________________________________ If you'd like to find out more about how Dr. Sheck can help you to create more passion in your relationship, you can receive his Free Special Report, "20 Rituals For Romance!" by going to http://www.freepassiontips.com
To really make this advice work, you need to follow these action steps to complete today's challenge.
Right now, I want you to:
Sit down alone in a quiet, sensual atmosphere and fully imagine your fantasy. Write down as many of the details as you can. If writing isn't your thing, you can speak it into an audio recorder or your smartphone.
Within 7 days I want you to:
Practice the affirmations recommended to deal with the second and third blocks. Begin to prepare whatever "ingredients" you will need for your fantasy including clothing, "equipment," and location. Share with your partner that sometime in the next 30 days, he/she will need to reserve time and romantic energy for you to share and live out your fantasy together.
By the end of the challenge I want you to:
Share and act out your fantasy with your partner. AND, share the above keys with your partner, so that you can act out his/her fantasy next month!