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Letting Go is Hard to Do

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Letting Go is Hard to Do
Susan is having a hard time getting over a bad breakup, and still dealing with the anger.

Dear Dr. Doris,

I broke up with my fiancé about 2 years ago, yet I still feel a lot of anger and resentment towards him and this whole mess it made of my life and our future together. I’m dating someone else now, yet I find myself still talking about my issues with my ex. I’ve had one prior long-term relationship. Before now, I never had any issues like this. Why is it so easy for other people to just let go of things like this? I just don’t feel anyone can turn emotions and feelings on and off by thinking or wishing it so.

More from YourTango: Relationship Trouble? Discover the Perfection of Imperfection

How do I let go of anger and resentment? What can I do to leave these unhappy thoughts and feelings in the past? How do I let go of this and just move on with my life with someone new?

Sincerely,

Susan from Seattle

 

Dear Susan,


You’re right. You can’t banish negative emotions by wishing them away. You CAN let go of anger and resentment by shifting your focus to what you can learn from every unpleasant experience. When I wrote my first book, “Transforming Pain Into Power,” about discovering the hidden gifts available in every thorny event life presents, Viktor Frankl was a splendid role model. A prisoner at Auschwitz concentration camp, Frankl could have been consumed with anger, hopelessness, blame, judgment and resentment. Instead, he focused on what he was learning. He discovered the secret value the painful experience provided him and then inspired the world with his joy and wisdom.


Like Frankl, you can refuse to be trapped by dis-empowering feelings that lead you to feel like a victim. You can graduate yourself from judging yourself or others. Once you refuse to blame anyone for your unhappiness, you discover the bliss available to you and you create exactly what you want in your life.

More from YourTango: How To Handle Conflict In Your Relationship


Because your past was painful, it’s understandable that your mind is playing an old tape over and over about being hurt. We’re hardwired to protect ourselves by doing this. The problem is that we then feel like victims instead of the empowered beings we truly are.


Hire a qualified relationship coach. We help you tune into a totally different soundtrack. You’ll discover how to enjoy the bliss that’s always available to you. From that mind state, you’ll create exactly what you want in your life. You’ll find yourself surrounded by positive people who accept total personal responsibility for their happiness.

 

Ready to create Your Perfect Partnership? Sign up for your complimentary consultation with Dr. Doris, your licensed certified coach, at http://CoachingByDoris.com

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Doris Helge, Ph.D., MCC

Author

Master Relationship Coach, Doris Helge, Ph.D., was named "One of the Top Ten Coaches in America." Take advantage of her decades of experience with thousands of clients like you. See examples of testimonials posted by satisfied singles and couples at http://CoachingByDoris.com/relationshipresources/  

Location: All locations -- virtual coaching, WA
Credentials: CPC, MCC, MSW, PhD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support, Divorce/Divorce Prevention
Other Articles/News by Doris Helge, Ph.D., MCC:

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