Difficult Conversations During Dating

By

Difficult Conversations During Dating
I’m in an uncomfortable situation. I hope there is another way to handle the problem...

Dear Dr. Doris,

I’m in an uncomfortable situation. I hope there is another way to handle the problem other than personally confronting my date.

I met this woman a couple of weeks ago at a party. Things were great until I asked her out to dinner.

That’s when I experienced the shock of my life. She has absolutely terrible
table manners. She talks with food in her mouth and she’s so animated with her fork and knife that I had visions of having a meal with Edward Scissorhands.

I’m not Mr. Etiquette, but my parents did teach me proper table manners. I’m not planning to dine out with her any time soon because I don't want to crawl under the table in embarrassment. This means that we're limited to meals at her house or mine. I can't take her around my friends.

I hate "difficult conversations." I'm very uncomfortable confronting someone about a behavior I don't like and we're not in a committed relationship.

I'm struggling because this woman is really great. We have the dating chemistry that turns me on. I'd love to get to know her better if her table manners weren't so repulsive.

Do you have any suggestions about how to let her know her manners are an issue without having to have “THE Conversation”? I know I can't change other people.

Eric

 

Dear Eric,

When we avoid addressing our true concerns with a date or mate, we cheat two people: ourselves and the other person. Because we aren't being authentic, we lose the opportunity to discover how they handle constructive feedback. That's just the beginning.

We block our access to critical information. If you want to consciously choose your ideal partner, you need to embrace authentic, meaningful conversations. Until both of you are open and vulnerable, you'll never enjoy a genuine connection.

When we cover up our concerns, we also cheat ourselves out of a precious growth experience. It takes so much energy to hide our true feelings and opinions that we're never fully present. We miss blatant clues from the other person because we're preoccupied with fearful thoughts.

We also miss nudges from our Internal Oracle. If our mind were at ease because we felt comfortable expressing our true thoughts, our intuition would be flawlessly guiding us forward.

Instead, we're second guessing ourselves and struggling to hide what we're thinking. We become exhausted when we could be having fun. There is more to the self-sabotage. The issue we're trying to sweep under the rug repeats until we learn to tactfully and respectfully (yet assertively) express ourselves. You can see this situation is a special gift wrapped in prickly wrapping paper . . . a prime learning opportunity.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by

Doris Helge, Ph.D., MCC

Author

Master Relationship Coach, Doris Helge, Ph.D., was named "One of the Top Ten Coaches in America." Take advantage of her decades of experience with thousands of clients like you. See examples of testimonials posted by satisfied singles and couples at http://CoachingByDoris.com/relationshipresources/  

Location: All locations -- virtual coaching, WA
Credentials: CPC, MCC, MSW, PhD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support, Divorce/Divorce Prevention
Other Articles/News by Doris Helge, Ph.D., MCC:

Relationship Trouble? Discover the Perfection of Imperfection

By

WHO’S REALLY PUSHING YOUR BUTTONS? The people who trigger our fear, guilt, shame, anger and frustration resemble our early caregivers. If your primary caregiver often ignored you or your needs and acted like your purpose was to make their life easier, it’s likely that you still attract people with a narcissistic personality. Even if you have a ... Read more

How To Handle Conflict In Your Relationship

By

To ask Doris your love and relationship questions, join her on Facebook this Thursday, 5/17 at 2 p.m. EST! Remember the day you gazed into the eyes of your prospective partner and truly grasped that their excitement about you matched your fascination with them? You saw your idealized self reflected back to you in their soft smiling eyes. You were hooked ... Read more

Difficult people? Difficult conversations?

By

Difficult people? Difficult conversations? Easily resolve conflicts and communication challenges in personal and professional relationships. Whether your conflict is with difficult people, boss, employee, coworker, spouse, partner, date, in-laws or children, you can overcome gender communication ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.