Remember the day you gazed into the eyes of your prospective partner and truly grasped that their excitement about you matched your fascination with them? You saw your idealized self reflected back to you in their soft smiling eyes. You were hooked like a fish attracted to a shiny new lure that caters to its most vulnerable characteristics. 2 Tips For Fighting Fair In Intimate Relationships
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Like the fish traveling nonstop to a baited hook, you ignored multiple warning signs. You were lured to your destiny in spite of personality differences, minor irritations and questions from friends and family. Flaming red flags were buried under a rapid current of hormone-fed infatuation. Trust and lust controlled your left brain's attempts to analyze and judge. Scorning due diligence, you lunged toward instant gratification with a voracious hunger and haste.
During the first part of your commitment to your new partner, you said goodbye to old longings and loneliness as you embraced new beginnings. When conflicts emerged, you eagerly re-embraced bliss ... or at least contentment. Disagreements were labeled "small stuff." Disruptive patterns were disregarded. How Do You Handle Conflict?
One day, the conflict resolution genie vanished without leaving a note promising to return. When you look at your partner's eyes today, you no longer see your idealized self. Instead of feeling larger than life when you're together, he or she mirrors your own imperfections back to you. Ouch!
Tender topics are inflamed when one person is already feeling inadequate and the other criticizes. Some of us combat the fear of rejection or abandonment by pushing our partner away. We try to protect ourselves by rejecting them before they can reject us. In this toxic ecosystem, resentment, fear, hurt and anger fester like untreated wounds.
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What now? One choice is to run from the relationship pouring salve on your sore spots and swearing, "Never again will I attract a partner like this!" The problem with this approach is simple. When you walk away with unresolved issues, you re-create the challenge with someone new. This individual is really the same person even though they're wearing a different name tag.
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