How To Handle Conflict In Your Relationship


How To Handle Conflict In Your Relationship [EXPERT]
Why you should make an honest attempt to resolve issues with your significant other.

A second option for solving the dilemma is to make a sincere attempt to resolve issues with your partner by discovering how you co-created the troublesome scenario. When you make this choice, you eventually delight in a deeper level of self-love. You learn so many fascinating, valuable things about yourself that you'll be more successful in every personal and professional relationship ... forever ... whether or not you stay with your current partner. Sometimes, resolving unpleasant partnership challenges can be surprisingly simple, playful and fun.

Paula and Paul were magnetized to each other after a chance encounter. Enchanted, their attraction began to blissfully bind them like clothing sealed by a Velcro enclosure that feels "just right." Their friends often marveled at how Paula and Paul overlooked minor disagreements.

Over time, unresolved issues began to weaken the fabric of their relationship like lint clogs and deteriorates Velcro that isn't cleaned. Eventually, hurt, resentment and fear became so deeply embedded that the couple's original attraction could no longer seal them in serenity.

Paula complained, "Paul's such a perfectionist. He's always judging how I do things. I'll never measure up to his impossible standards." Paul was puzzled when he told his friends, "I hardly recognize Paula any more. I used to feel so special when we were together. Now she prefers her friends to me." Poll: Does Fighting Lead To Better Sex?

In couples coaching, Paula and Paul enjoyed playing the what-if game. During the game, each partner selects 12 questions to answer. Couples say they communicate more deeply than they ever have because the game is an enjoyable, non-threatening self-discovery tool. Here are a few of the questions Paul and Paula explored:

• When my mate judges me harshly, how brutally they are judging themselves?
• How can our personality differences become a core strength in our relationship?
• What is my partner's positive intention when he irritates me?

Paul and Paula grew tremendously from designing and playfully exploring curious questions like these. Although they began couples coaching in pain, eventually, they were glad they had endured their discomfort. "Our relationship became as strong as super glue because we identified our weak spots and took advantage of our core strengths."

© 2012. Excerpted with permission from the #1 Bestselling book, "Transforming Pain Into Power" by Doris Helge, Ph.D. With over 20 years of experience, award-winning, Certified Master Coach Dr. Doris, has a proven track record of helping people like you turn painful relationships into powerful partnerships. Enjoy a short life-changing video at Sign up for a free test drive of the "Transform a Painful Relationship Into a Powerful Partnership" teleclass at You may reprint this article as long as it remains intact and proper attribution is given.

Article contributed by

Doris Helge, Ph.D., MCC


Master Relationship Coach, Doris Helge, Ph.D., was named "One of the Top Ten Coaches in America." Take advantage of her decades of experience with thousands of clients like you. See examples of testimonials posted by satisfied singles and couples at  

Location: All locations -- virtual coaching, WA
Credentials: CPC, MCC, MSW, PhD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support, Divorce/Divorce Prevention
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